The title of today's post is essentially what one of my guy friends told me while having dinner the other night. As is common place with the 20+ crowd, we got to talking about men, women and relationships. I've known this guy for almost a year and in that time I've only heard him mention a girlfriend once, twice if you count the conversation I'm recounting for you all.
This particular evening, he must have been in the mood to chat about the girlfriend because he started talking about how him being in a relationship doesn't mean he can't have female friends and go out for dinner/drinks and party with them. Okay, I see your point here. I've always been a believer in the theory that a person is single until they say 'I do'. As he continues talking, a couple questions start to pop up in my head and I have to break my silence and speak up. The biggest question being, "How long have you and your girlfriend been together?". His response, "almost two years". 0_0
Let's back this story up and explain the reasoning for the wide-eyed emoticon. This guy and I, I believe his nickname should be Napoleon for the purpose of this entry and those going forward, have gone out a few times. Partied together pretty often and even had the "what are you looking for?* conversation". Remember how I said we've only been friends for almost a year, and he's been in a relationship for almost two years? Yeeeeeah 0_0 once again. For someone who's had a girlfriend for nearly 2 years, Napoleon sure has been spending a decent amount of time with a single woman. Make that WOMEN. While I've never ever met the girlfriend, I have met other single female friends of his who he hangs out and parties with. I just figured he was a successful single guy who enjoyed spending time with attractive women, which honestly never bothered me but it did dumbfound me. How could Napoleon have all these single attractive women around and not want to make something serious out of at least one? Well, I guess the answer was that he already wifed one up, she was just sitting at home.
Now let's press 'real time' and get back to the conversation from the other night. In speaking about his girlfriend, Napoleon proceeds to explain to me his relationship and how having been the controlling boyfriend before in an insecure relationship, he now believes that while he may be involved with someone that doesn't mean he can't hang out with and entertain friends of the opposite sex. In my book, having friends of the opposite sex is A-OK. But aquiring new single friends of the opposite sex and hanging out with them when your significant other isn't around is somewhat of a different story. Seriously, I didn't even know this woman existed until a couple months ago.
I would never consider myself to be the jealous type, I'm very open minded about the parameters that should exist within relationships, but this situation seems a bit iffy. How would you feel as the significant other on the other end of that relationship where your man/woman has friends of the opposite sex that they hang out with that you've never even met? I know that my intentions here with Napoleon are harmless, we're nothing more than friends, but I know every woman can't just want to be this guy's friend. And that I believe is what can put such situations in the danger zone. Of course when I asked him if it was okay for his girlfriend to have guy friends and go out with them and party with them as he does with his female friends; what was his response? No. Go figure.
What do you all think? Should a person in a relationship hold friendships with people of the opposite sex unbeknowst to their partner? Let me know what you think.
*Please reference my previous entry: "What I'm Looking For" from 11/10 which chronicled this conversation with Napoleon.