As I wrap my mind around all these recent reports on the near extinction of conventional marriage, I decided to take a mental break and write about something a tad bit lighter than usual. Guilty pleasures.
Rihanna & Nicki Minaj
As much as I truly think I dislike these chics, I can't keep myself from bobbing my head or singing along to every damn song they put out. Rihanna is about as talentless as it gets, but I swear she gets the best pop songs the industry has to offer these days. And I think anything and everything I could have to say about Nicki Minaj has already been said. Fake boobies, nose, booty and all there's something hypnotic about her psychotic persona and 'Cat in the Hat' rhymes.
Misogynistic Hood Music
I'm a Spelman woman. I state that to say there are certain songs I'm not supposed to condone(ie. Tip Drill, She Got A Donk, Beat it Up). However, when the beat drops on these songs all my common sense goes out the window and before I know it, I'm droppin it like it's hot lol. It's like the more the song screams, "next coming to the stage is Mocha Kisses, get those dollas out!" the more I like it!
Asian Food
I don't care if it's Chinese, Indian, Thai, Vietnamese or chicken wings, french fries and mumbo sauce from the carry out; if Asian hands have touched it, I gotta have it. Already this week, I've had Asian food twice and I plan on having it again tomorrow.
Getting A Touch Up
Natural haired women, please don't slay me for this one. I had natural hair until I was 20 years old. Now that I've sampled the creamy crack, I just don't think there's any going back for me. It's not because I think it's easier; there is nothing easy at all about sitting in the hairdresser for 4 hours, I just like the way it makes me feel. Like my soul is glowing or something lol.
Singing in the Shower
If there were Grammys for shower singing, I'd win every award. My shower singing is pretty serious. I'll stay in the shower until my toes and fingers prune up because I've gotten so wrapped up in my shower tunes lol. I never sing though if I know someone is right outside the bathroom.
Coke
As in Coca-Cola, not blow lol. Most people who know me know that all I usually drink is water and gingerale but there comes a time, like once every other month when I just get a taste for Coke. Not diet Coke or Coke Zero but the regular, 300 calorie a bottle Coke. It's really odd but when I get the get the crazing, I gotta have it.
Snapped*
Want to know what I'm tuning into while everybody else is getting riled up over Sunday afternoon football?? Wonder no more because I'm telling you right now that it's Snapped. That show is full of pure craziness but I swear my eyes are glued for like 4 hours straight. It's like a real life Law & Order or something.
Hookah
Veranda in NYC, Chi Cha and Soussi in DC. I have a problem and I'll leave it at that lol.
Victoria's Secret
Noone's under garments should all come from the same place. I mean every single piece I own comes from this one store! It's like I walk in and I just can't help myself lol. The whole PINK line and my new found interest in lingerie(FYI, I only think it looks interesting lol) make it hard for me to resist. AND I absolutely adore their Cheeksters; forget those $18 Hanky Pankies and the Commandos.
Welp, that's all I've got for you guys; at least that's all I'm willing to share. C'mon now, my mother reads this blog lol.
What are some of your guilty pleasures?? Don't be shy!
*This admittance is also a warning lol
Monday, November 22, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
What I'm Looking For
A couple weeks ago I was talking to one of my guy friends and out of the blue he posed the following question:
"What are you looking for right now?"
I'll admit, the question threw me for a bit of a loop because it wasn't something we had ever discussed before or saw coming. I initially thought of just brushing the questions off and pretending like I didn't know what he meant, but I knew exactly what he was trying to ask me.
This is a question that I've actually posed myself, and every time that I've asked, I knew that what I really wanted to know was "what do you want from me?". All of a sudden I felt what guys all over the world must feel like when a woman throws them off balance with this question. Was this a trick question? Was there a catch depending on my response. I honestly didn't know what to say. My only response was, "I really don't know" and that was the absolute truth.
For so long I thought I knew what I wanted. When I was living in NYC, you couldn't tell me that I didn't want to be on an express train to Marriedville. But now that my life is totally different and every aspect of it is up in the air, that train has just about slowed to a stop.
It wasn't until the other night that I finally realized what it is that I'm actually looking for right now: a bestfriend. I want someone to be there not only in my times of succes but in my times of struggle. Someone to care enough to check and see how my day was, to listen to me and laugh at my jokes. Someone that can answer all my annoying questions about sports and won't mind spending time exploring my favorites places and hobbies. And at the same time, I want to be able to do the same for someone else.
That's not too much to ask, is it?
As I have matured and really come into my own as a woman, I've begun to realize that deciding to be in a relationship with a man should not be a hasty decision. How can I really say I want to be with someone that I hardly even know? I need to be able to get to know someone inside and out. What's their favorite color? Pet peeves? How do they react when someone makes them upset? Do they leave the cap off the toothpaste? You all get what I mean.
In the past I was too quick to say I wanted to be serious with somebody when I hadn't even gotten to know them. I was setting myself up for failure and didn't even realize it. By not developing that friendship first I would end up not getting to see who they really were until things started to fall a part.
So the next time when anyone asks me what I'm looking for... the only response I will have for them is "my bestfriend".
"What are you looking for right now?"
I'll admit, the question threw me for a bit of a loop because it wasn't something we had ever discussed before or saw coming. I initially thought of just brushing the questions off and pretending like I didn't know what he meant, but I knew exactly what he was trying to ask me.
This is a question that I've actually posed myself, and every time that I've asked, I knew that what I really wanted to know was "what do you want from me?". All of a sudden I felt what guys all over the world must feel like when a woman throws them off balance with this question. Was this a trick question? Was there a catch depending on my response. I honestly didn't know what to say. My only response was, "I really don't know" and that was the absolute truth.
For so long I thought I knew what I wanted. When I was living in NYC, you couldn't tell me that I didn't want to be on an express train to Marriedville. But now that my life is totally different and every aspect of it is up in the air, that train has just about slowed to a stop.
It wasn't until the other night that I finally realized what it is that I'm actually looking for right now: a bestfriend. I want someone to be there not only in my times of succes but in my times of struggle. Someone to care enough to check and see how my day was, to listen to me and laugh at my jokes. Someone that can answer all my annoying questions about sports and won't mind spending time exploring my favorites places and hobbies. And at the same time, I want to be able to do the same for someone else.
That's not too much to ask, is it?
As I have matured and really come into my own as a woman, I've begun to realize that deciding to be in a relationship with a man should not be a hasty decision. How can I really say I want to be with someone that I hardly even know? I need to be able to get to know someone inside and out. What's their favorite color? Pet peeves? How do they react when someone makes them upset? Do they leave the cap off the toothpaste? You all get what I mean.
In the past I was too quick to say I wanted to be serious with somebody when I hadn't even gotten to know them. I was setting myself up for failure and didn't even realize it. By not developing that friendship first I would end up not getting to see who they really were until things started to fall a part.
So the next time when anyone asks me what I'm looking for... the only response I will have for them is "my bestfriend".
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
For Colored Girls... And Boys
Today I went to see For Colored Girls. Alone, I sat in the theatre actually afraid of what it was that I was about to see. There have been quite a few reviews done of this movie and having had the opportunity to read a couple, I was a bit leery of what I was about to watch. I'm not much of a Tyler Perry fan but seeing as the movie was based off of Ntozake Shange's 1975 poem, I figured it would be worth a shot.
And me oh my, was I correct. The film is absolutely amazing, definitely Oscar worthy. I will even go so far as to say that something, which I can't quite put my finger on, is even beautiful about this movie. It may have been the numerous moving sililoques, derived from Shange's work, which are littered throughout the film and flow like an emotional song from the actresses lips.
One of the most scathing reviews I read on For Colored Girls, was written by Washington Post columnist, Courtland Milloy. Throughout his review he bemoans the fact that black men are being bashed in this film and that most recent movies fail to show black men in a positive light. Well, I have one thing to say in response to his critique: this movie ain't about y'all! And the fact alone that Milloy and other reviewers fail to recognize this is exactly the problem. It doesn't surprise me that many negative reviews have come from men. If you aren't guilty, I don't see the point in viciously attacking this film.
The movie, as well as the original work is about the many faces of black female disempowerment. It's not about calling out black men who have abused, cheated on and lied to black women. It is however about calling out to black women and saying that even though your struggle may be different than mine, I hear you. And I call out to you so that we may come together and reclaim the power that so many of us simply give away; "Somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff" anyone??
I ask that not only black women see this film, but black men as well. Actually, I want black men to see this even more. For many women, the stories told in this film are our own so in viewing this piece we are simply watching our stories, our friend's stories, our mother's stories being played out on the big screen. But men, you need to see the different effects that negative & hurtful male actions have had and continue to have on women, some of these being women in your lives. There is no reason why a poem written in 1974 should even still be just as relevant for us in the year 2010 as it was then. Something(s) needs to change.
For Colored Girls does an excellect job of showing the emotional response of women, not only to the pain inflicted upon us by men but the pain we bring into our own lives. If you're simply looking at this movie as a male bashing session, you will totally miss that point. So to the critiques out there who can't see past the fact that this is a Tyler Perry film or that it's a film featuring a majority female cast, my only note to you is to simply get over yourself.
And me oh my, was I correct. The film is absolutely amazing, definitely Oscar worthy. I will even go so far as to say that something, which I can't quite put my finger on, is even beautiful about this movie. It may have been the numerous moving sililoques, derived from Shange's work, which are littered throughout the film and flow like an emotional song from the actresses lips.
One of the most scathing reviews I read on For Colored Girls, was written by Washington Post columnist, Courtland Milloy. Throughout his review he bemoans the fact that black men are being bashed in this film and that most recent movies fail to show black men in a positive light. Well, I have one thing to say in response to his critique: this movie ain't about y'all! And the fact alone that Milloy and other reviewers fail to recognize this is exactly the problem. It doesn't surprise me that many negative reviews have come from men. If you aren't guilty, I don't see the point in viciously attacking this film.
The movie, as well as the original work is about the many faces of black female disempowerment. It's not about calling out black men who have abused, cheated on and lied to black women. It is however about calling out to black women and saying that even though your struggle may be different than mine, I hear you. And I call out to you so that we may come together and reclaim the power that so many of us simply give away; "Somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff" anyone??
I ask that not only black women see this film, but black men as well. Actually, I want black men to see this even more. For many women, the stories told in this film are our own so in viewing this piece we are simply watching our stories, our friend's stories, our mother's stories being played out on the big screen. But men, you need to see the different effects that negative & hurtful male actions have had and continue to have on women, some of these being women in your lives. There is no reason why a poem written in 1974 should even still be just as relevant for us in the year 2010 as it was then. Something(s) needs to change.
For Colored Girls does an excellect job of showing the emotional response of women, not only to the pain inflicted upon us by men but the pain we bring into our own lives. If you're simply looking at this movie as a male bashing session, you will totally miss that point. So to the critiques out there who can't see past the fact that this is a Tyler Perry film or that it's a film featuring a majority female cast, my only note to you is to simply get over yourself.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Who the Hell Wants to Get Married??
Video Sundaaay!
So this is a clip from last week's episode of House of Glam. It was my first time watching the show but from what I saw it actually seems to be worth watching. But anyway, something about this clip disturbed me.
Here you have this successful business woman, Brandi, who has two kids by and lives with her boyfriend of seven years... *crickets*. Already there is something wrong with that picture but take a look at this clip which features a conversation that occured during a dinner party being held at Brandi's home.
Am I the only one who sees something wrong and just disrespectful about this whole conversation? I'm not even going to delve into the fact that Brandi is only fooling herself if she thinks anyone else believes that she's okay with not being married to this man. There were just so many things that bothered me here: the friend having the audacity to bring up the situation at a dinner party, Brandi's boo being referred to as a king by his friends because he has been allowed to live the married life but isn't married, her boo telling his friends he doesn't want to get married. Too much.
But anyway, watch and discuss folks.
So this is a clip from last week's episode of House of Glam. It was my first time watching the show but from what I saw it actually seems to be worth watching. But anyway, something about this clip disturbed me.
Here you have this successful business woman, Brandi, who has two kids by and lives with her boyfriend of seven years... *crickets*. Already there is something wrong with that picture but take a look at this clip which features a conversation that occured during a dinner party being held at Brandi's home.
Am I the only one who sees something wrong and just disrespectful about this whole conversation? I'm not even going to delve into the fact that Brandi is only fooling herself if she thinks anyone else believes that she's okay with not being married to this man. There were just so many things that bothered me here: the friend having the audacity to bring up the situation at a dinner party, Brandi's boo being referred to as a king by his friends because he has been allowed to live the married life but isn't married, her boo telling his friends he doesn't want to get married. Too much.
But anyway, watch and discuss folks.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Dates: The Best & The Worst**
Last night I was filling out this dating questionnaire thing, which may become relavent to this blog in the near future but we shall see (don't you love when people are sharing and being secretive at the same time?). And on the questionnaire there were two questions that prompted me to write this post:
1. What was the best date I had been on?
2. What was the worst date I had been on?
Hmmmmm. Upon reading these questions, I definitely was sent on a trip back through memory lane. My dating history isn't incredibly extensive but I did chance upon some buried memories, especially when thinking about the worst. Once I decided on what they were I figured I may as well tell you all about them too. Since I always like to get the bad news out of the way first here's my worst date EVER!
A couple years ago, while I was still in college, I went out with this one fellow a couple times. Everything was going smoothly when all of a sudden things went horribly awry.
He came to pick me up from campus under the guise of going to the movies. At the last minute, after already telling him I had just eaten dinner, he decides he wants to go out to eat. Again, I reinerate to him that I had already eaten but he insisted. We get to the restaurant and as soon as we sit down he begins pressuring me to order something. Time and time again I let him know that I'm not hungry and am perfectly fine simply sitting there waiting for him to finish. All of a sudden as he finishes up, he goes into a loud tirade about how women should be appreciative of men who offer to take them out and when a man takes them out to eat they should at least order food, even if they aren't hungry. At this point I'm not only embarassed but frightened as well because his tone had turned from friendly to demanding and pushy. I could just see myself ending up on an episode of Law & Order SVU or something. Needless to say, after demanding that I be dropped off back at campus I never spoke to this guy ever again. All texts and calls were from then on ignored and I'm sure he knew why.
Now for the best:
There's actually a tie. The two dates are kind of similar so it's eays to see why it was difficult for me to choose between the two.
Best date #1 occured a couple years ago, one again, while I was in college. I almost don't consider it a date but because time was being spent with a person of interest I think it qualifies. My birthday had just passed and one of my guy friends asked me where he could take me for my birthday. I thought about it for a while and gave a simple response: the Smithsonian. If you know me for real, you know that I have a serious love for museums. Having grown up reading National Geographic, I've always been interested in people, places and history so museums are my go to spot. My friend let me pick the museum and then we literally walked through the entire Museum of American History exploring its many exhibits. As we walked through we discussed what we were seeing and just enjoyed each other's company. There was no dinner, no drinks, and actually no money spent at all. But just knowing that someone was willing to take interest in something I was interested in meant a lot.
Best date #2 is a little more recent than the others. While I was up in New York I went on a first date with a guy. We started out at this cute, trendy restaurant that had some great food. The atmosphere alone made it the perfect date spot. The food was inventive(try cooking thinly sliced beef at your table on a salt rock) and tasty while the vibe was cozy. After finishing up dinner he gave me a couple options for what we could do next(like a choose your own adventure) and since I'm naturally indecisive he told me to just sit back and he would take us to the next destination which he ended up choosing. I was semi-surprised to learn that his choice was Ripley's, you know Ripley's Believe it Or Not. What I always assumed was just a silly tourist trap turned out to be a good time. The same piece of me that likes museums took a liking to Ripley's. It's fun and informative and a great way to break the ice with someone to see what they're really into. This date ended up on the best list partially due to my foodie spirit being satisfied but also because it was creative and different.
Anybody up for sharing their best and/or worst dating experiences? I knowwww you all have some good ones :o)
**If you're a guy that I've dated and one of our dates didn't end up on here; don't be offended! If I didn't insist that you take me home, it means I had a good time lol
1. What was the best date I had been on?
2. What was the worst date I had been on?
Hmmmmm. Upon reading these questions, I definitely was sent on a trip back through memory lane. My dating history isn't incredibly extensive but I did chance upon some buried memories, especially when thinking about the worst. Once I decided on what they were I figured I may as well tell you all about them too. Since I always like to get the bad news out of the way first here's my worst date EVER!
A couple years ago, while I was still in college, I went out with this one fellow a couple times. Everything was going smoothly when all of a sudden things went horribly awry.
He came to pick me up from campus under the guise of going to the movies. At the last minute, after already telling him I had just eaten dinner, he decides he wants to go out to eat. Again, I reinerate to him that I had already eaten but he insisted. We get to the restaurant and as soon as we sit down he begins pressuring me to order something. Time and time again I let him know that I'm not hungry and am perfectly fine simply sitting there waiting for him to finish. All of a sudden as he finishes up, he goes into a loud tirade about how women should be appreciative of men who offer to take them out and when a man takes them out to eat they should at least order food, even if they aren't hungry. At this point I'm not only embarassed but frightened as well because his tone had turned from friendly to demanding and pushy. I could just see myself ending up on an episode of Law & Order SVU or something. Needless to say, after demanding that I be dropped off back at campus I never spoke to this guy ever again. All texts and calls were from then on ignored and I'm sure he knew why.
Now for the best:
There's actually a tie. The two dates are kind of similar so it's eays to see why it was difficult for me to choose between the two.
Best date #1 occured a couple years ago, one again, while I was in college. I almost don't consider it a date but because time was being spent with a person of interest I think it qualifies. My birthday had just passed and one of my guy friends asked me where he could take me for my birthday. I thought about it for a while and gave a simple response: the Smithsonian. If you know me for real, you know that I have a serious love for museums. Having grown up reading National Geographic, I've always been interested in people, places and history so museums are my go to spot. My friend let me pick the museum and then we literally walked through the entire Museum of American History exploring its many exhibits. As we walked through we discussed what we were seeing and just enjoyed each other's company. There was no dinner, no drinks, and actually no money spent at all. But just knowing that someone was willing to take interest in something I was interested in meant a lot.
Best date #2 is a little more recent than the others. While I was up in New York I went on a first date with a guy. We started out at this cute, trendy restaurant that had some great food. The atmosphere alone made it the perfect date spot. The food was inventive(try cooking thinly sliced beef at your table on a salt rock) and tasty while the vibe was cozy. After finishing up dinner he gave me a couple options for what we could do next(like a choose your own adventure) and since I'm naturally indecisive he told me to just sit back and he would take us to the next destination which he ended up choosing. I was semi-surprised to learn that his choice was Ripley's, you know Ripley's Believe it Or Not. What I always assumed was just a silly tourist trap turned out to be a good time. The same piece of me that likes museums took a liking to Ripley's. It's fun and informative and a great way to break the ice with someone to see what they're really into. This date ended up on the best list partially due to my foodie spirit being satisfied but also because it was creative and different.
Anybody up for sharing their best and/or worst dating experiences? I knowwww you all have some good ones :o)
**If you're a guy that I've dated and one of our dates didn't end up on here; don't be offended! If I didn't insist that you take me home, it means I had a good time lol
Sunday, October 17, 2010
You Can't Handle the Truth, says The Man
I'm taking the blogger's easy way out today and posting a video for you all's enjoyment. It sort of ties into my recent post on why the "why" is important and a couple male responses I recieved surrounding the idea that they don't tell women why things ended because they don't feel we can handle the truth (-_-)
So anyway, enjoy!
For obvious reasons, I'd definitely like to hear the male feedback on this one.
So anyway, enjoy!
For obvious reasons, I'd definitely like to hear the male feedback on this one.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Why the "Why" Matters
A week ago I was having a conversation with my brother and mother about men, women, and relationships. While discussing a recent situation with one of his female friends who found herself questioning the breakdown of a situation she entered into with a guy she met on a night out, the topic of why women can sometimes take a little longer to let things go came up. My conclusion was the following: we are obsessed with knowing "why".
Why didn't things work out? Why didn't he call me? Why doesn't he want to see me? Why did he cheat on me? Why? Why? Why? Why? We drive ourselves crazy wondering why things didn't go the way we planned them out in our heads. It's often not enough for us to just think, "that's life" and then move on. In my opinion, the thought process men possess is nearly the complete opposite; which is something I noticed while discussing the topic with my brother. He feels like women should just be able to chalk it up to experience and move on. I don't feel like it's ever that easy for most women. I'm not one to hold on to situations or most people for that matter; but I do find that I end up going through this same practice of trying to figure out the "why" when things go south.
The quest for the "why" really shows a breach in communication between men and women. Having to pose the question "why" in the first place signals that there are some unanswered questions in the situation. I'm not saying a guy should have to sit down and write a thesis statement on why he stopped calling you, but if he simply & honestly answered the question maybe it would be easier for the woman to let it go and move on. If you found out that you didn't like me like that, tell me. Did I bore you? Tell me. Do I get on your nerves? You can tell em that too. Don't just leave me hanging out to dry.
Why is the "why" even important? I'm sure that's what some(most) of the guys out there are saying since you all are much simpler beings than we are. Well, getting the answer to the "why" can be the beginning to gaining closure. If the guy states why he didn't return your call, why he cheated, why he didn't feel things would work out, all the guessing would be taken out of whether it was you, him, another woman, another man(it's the 21st century people) or some outside source.
Am I the only woman out there who has noticed that we can get consumed by finding the answer to the "why"?
Why didn't things work out? Why didn't he call me? Why doesn't he want to see me? Why did he cheat on me? Why? Why? Why? Why? We drive ourselves crazy wondering why things didn't go the way we planned them out in our heads. It's often not enough for us to just think, "that's life" and then move on. In my opinion, the thought process men possess is nearly the complete opposite; which is something I noticed while discussing the topic with my brother. He feels like women should just be able to chalk it up to experience and move on. I don't feel like it's ever that easy for most women. I'm not one to hold on to situations or most people for that matter; but I do find that I end up going through this same practice of trying to figure out the "why" when things go south.
The quest for the "why" really shows a breach in communication between men and women. Having to pose the question "why" in the first place signals that there are some unanswered questions in the situation. I'm not saying a guy should have to sit down and write a thesis statement on why he stopped calling you, but if he simply & honestly answered the question maybe it would be easier for the woman to let it go and move on. If you found out that you didn't like me like that, tell me. Did I bore you? Tell me. Do I get on your nerves? You can tell em that too. Don't just leave me hanging out to dry.
Why is the "why" even important? I'm sure that's what some(most) of the guys out there are saying since you all are much simpler beings than we are. Well, getting the answer to the "why" can be the beginning to gaining closure. If the guy states why he didn't return your call, why he cheated, why he didn't feel things would work out, all the guessing would be taken out of whether it was you, him, another woman, another man(it's the 21st century people) or some outside source.
Am I the only woman out there who has noticed that we can get consumed by finding the answer to the "why"?
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