I Quit!

So in exactly a week I will loading up a UHaul and heading back down to DC to reinvade the nest.

That's right, I quit my job a week ago and decided it was time to pack it up and leave the Big Apple behind. It was a tough decision, one that I know will change my life forever. I mean who leaves the city of dreams, right?? I have no idea whether this move will be for the better or worse but I know it's one I had to make. I have a belief that no one ever achieved greatness by following the rules; well, here I go making my best attempt to capture my greatness.

Moving to New York sort of landed in my lap. I had grown up loving this city and always said I wanted to live here. So when I got the opportunity to interview for an internship at my current company during college I jumped at the chance. After landing the intern position with ease, everything else sort of just fell into place and by October of my senior year in college I knew I would be moving to the city I had always dreamed about. It wasn't until I actually got here that I started feeling like maybe this wasn't where I needed to be afterall. Don't get me wrong, there is no other city in this country and maybe even the world like NYC. The city truly never sleeps and if you're looking for adventure this is the place to be.

But what about when that all gets old? When you no longer care about being able to party until 5 am, when you feel like you're too old to have multiple roommates, and the idea of living above a bodega/gym/bank/etc. for the rest of your life doesn't seem all that appealing? I think this is exactly what happened to me. It was like I woke up one day and came to the conclusion that I wanted so much more for my life than that. I want to get married, have a family, start my own business and have a front and backyard for Christ's sake. And sure I could have all that if I moved to Queens or New Jersey, but why would I really want to do that? That's not why I originally moved here. I ventured here to experience what it really was like to be a New Yorker, not to end up in the outer banks when the city I love started breaking my heart.

When I shared the news that I would be quitting my job and moving away, I got the same question from three different work superiors; "Do you have another job lined up??". And simply the answer is "no". I'm leaving behind a career in which I am gainfully employed, at a time when the economy is recovering about as fast as Whitney is recoverning from crack. Am I crazy? Maybe. But do I regret it yet? No. And hopefully I won't regret it at all. I've decided that I want to be my own boss and take total control over my future. I'm scared and nervous, but there is something inside me that says beyond a shadow of a doubt, I can do this and that I will be successful at it.

Everyone is in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and this is the way I look at the past three years I've spent calling New York my home. I know that NYC will continue to be a part of my life, even long after I've passed through the Lincoln Tunnel in that UHaul.

Mr. Too Many Options

AKA Mr. Un-mateable.

I'd call him Mr. Undateable, but dating is about as far as you'll get with this man. This guy has so many options that dating is the only thing he has time for. Having lived in NYC for the past 3 years, I think I've met quite a few men who fall in this category. What really sparked this topic though was a recent conversation I had with a one of my best guy friends.

Over lunch we both started talking about our New York woes and he proceeds to talk about the women here:

Him: I'll miss the women here.
Me: (quizzical look on my face) Really? Why??
Him: The women here are so desperate.
Me: ... Seriously???

Nothing about this conversation, as transcribed here, surprised me. Well, not really. I'm actually quite used to the idea that the women here, as in many other major cities, are at the whim of male emotion. But to think of these women as "desperate" was a hard pill to swallow. It made me pause and think back on my own experiences, was I ever one of those "desperate" women? Who, even if only for the chance, will stick around and date a guy in hopes that she'll end up as the chosen one. Put that way, yes, I have been.

As my friend went on to explain it, he meets several women every week. Sometimes these women are nothing more than a drink after work, but in other cases they become dates and bed buddies. When you think about it, a couple women every week adds up to be quuuite a few women. And the unfortunate truth for these women, is that probably none of them will end up being the one he ends up with; I mean currently, he's just got too many options.

The more options a man has, the less likely he is to make a decision to be with one woman. That is until he gets tired of the game playing and having to deal with the emotional backlash associated with dealing with that many women at once (I honestly don't see how you guys do it, women are nuts). In my opinion, men who are in this situation often site their reason for not settling with just one woman as being, "What if I meet some one better?". This whole concept is foreign to me. If I meet a guy who I really like, enjoy being around and can see potential in, I'm ready to take steps to see where the situation can go and grow to become. The last thing I'm thinking is, well what if I meet a guy next week who is better than this guy? And that's probably because options for women ar a bit more limited than they are for men, especially in a city like New York.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying quality men are few and far between, but neither I nor my girlfriends meet a couple men a week who we actually wouldn't mind being seen out in public with. That may seem harsh but I'm keeping it real. But with all that said, maybe some of you guys out there who fall in this category can shed some light on this topic. Let's not be shy :o)

Babe, I Need to Talk

It really is the little things that seem to creep up and remind me of my singletude.

With all of the changes that are soon to take place in my life, these reminders seem to be coming more and more frequently. For the past couple nights I've had trouble sleeping due to my mind racing back and forth, contemplating all the many decisions I have to make. In the midst of my thoughts I realized that I really needed someone to talk to. If it was 7 o'clock in the evening I would have had plenty of options but at 1 and 2 am, my choices twindled down to nearly none. At that point, I would have given anything to be able to pick up the phone, dial up a special someone and say "Babe, I need to talk". Generally these convos only last about 10 minutes and can end in heavy breathing/snoring by both parties, but there is something about them that calms me and sets my mind at ease.

This void has also shown itself in other, lighter spirited ways. Last weekend I had a cookout in one of the local parks to celebrate my birthday. Well, have any of you ever had to transport a full size grill to a park on foot? Not only did we have to move this grill but we also had to carry the food and plates/cups/utensils/drinks etc. And between the legs breaking off the grill and having the grill take an hour and a whole book of matches to light, I definitely ended up throwing an adult temper tantrum or two.

While I appreciate the mental exercise I got that day trying to figure out how two chics can carry a grill plus supplies to the park, I also realized that all of these things would have been much simpler if I had a man around. Granted we got it done in the end and the cookout was indeed a success, nobody should have to work that hard just to have fun.

Seriously, I'm all for the 'I am woman, hear me roar' stance but I still recognize that there are tasks that are just better suited for men to handle; the whole park fiasco being one of them.
In the same vein, I've also realized that there are definitely times where having a special someone to lean on would be an awesome thing to have.

It really is the little things that can make you appreciate having someone by your side and when that someone is no longer there, that's when you think about those things the most. It's not the dates and being able to tell my girlfriends all about the man I have that I value, but more so having someone to rub my back when I'm feeling sick and to pick up the line when I just need to talk.

9125 Days

On July 9th, I turned 9, 125(give 5 or 6 for leap years) days old, aka 25. Sounds old right? Actually, calculating the days made me feel much younger. For some reason I thought I was going to end up with some sky high five digit number(shows you all how rusty my math skills are). I also want to thank everyone(roles both small & large) who has been a part of the experiences that have made me the woman I have come to be... the good, the bad, and the ugly.

This whole time since my birthday I've been trying to come up with something witty and thoughtful and deep to say, and you know what I've got for you all?? Nada. The only thing I could think about is how thankful I am to have been blessed with the opportunity to make it a be a quarter century. I'm even more excited about the things that I have planned for my future and definitely anxious to see where life will take me.

In the next two weeks, I have to make one of the most important decisions I've had to make since I decided on which college to attend. To be quite honest, I think this decision is even more important than that. And I am petrified. My nights are sleepless and my mind is always contemplating the 'what if'. But if there is one thing that I know, it's that if(as my motrher always likes to remind me) I actually have the word which is tattoed on my wrist, "Faith", I will be able to achieve and excel in whatever it is that is in store for me.

The Emotional Guy

So I have recently fallen head over heels in like with this guy. He's totally not my type physically but there's just something about him that draws me to him. Is it his charm? Personality? His way with words? I'm not quite sure what it could be but I think it may have something to do with how in touch he seems to be with his emotions. I may as well cut to the chase instead of leaving you guys in the dark about who this guy is.

The guy I'm talking about is none other than Drake. Yes, I am referring to the rapper lol. I know I had you guys going for a moment and a few of my girlfriends out there were probably about to dial me up and blast me for not telling them before I put my business out into the blogosphere.

But anyway, there is definitely something about the emotion that he shares with the world through his music. He raps about finding love, familial relationships, and even crying. He doesn't seem to have many reservations when it comes to putting his emotions out there and from what I have heard it seems like the ladies appreciate it (I mean c'mon, this guy said he can't wait to find someone so that he can love her the way he wishes his mother had been loved. Who wouldn't swoon over that??). However, if there is nothing that I know better, it's that there is a fiiiine line between being able to appreciate an emotional man and having that man's emotions get on your nerves. Every woman wants a man who can understand how she feels and respects her emotions but when it comes to dealing with male emotions, the tables often turn. If a guy is "too emotional" (ie. he complains a lot, cries,

I grew up in a household where male emotion was very matter of fact. I knew and still know that my dad loves me, but there was no sappyness, no crying, no excitement, no extreme emotion what so ever from him. While I understand that this is just who his is, it can still be frustrating to deal with. I want to know when you're really happy, or sad, or excited, disappointed. I don't want to have to take a guess and hope I'm right about it. Just like how men don't want to read our minds, we don't want to have to read yours either!

Growing up I also encoutered males who fell into the opposite end of the emotion spectrum and may have been a little too emotional for me. I mean, don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with having and showing emotion, but I feel the problem arieses when you're unable to control your emotion. It just makes me a bit uncomfortable *cue Chris Brown's break down at the BET awards* because it's not necessarily something I know how to deal with. That said, some of you all may think I have a bit of a double standard about male and female emotional expression, but not really because I honestly can't really deal with women who are this way either.

Is there a happy medium out there when it comes to male emotion? A guy who can express himself when he's feeling some type of way, but doesn't take his emotion to the extreme ends either. As a culture are we still too closed-minded to the expression of male emotion, thus having men feel as if they need to keep the majority of their emotions bottled up? And lastly, are we ladies sometimes still too entrenched in the double standard that says men aren't supposed to be emotional but it's perfectly fine for us to do so?

Why the Ho Can Be a Housewife Too

I've been thinking about the subject of wifing up women with questionable pasts for quite some time, but I just recently came to the conclusion that "hos can surely be housewives" just like anyone else.

The woman who really made me think about this is none other than Amber Rose. There is no denying that this woman is gorgeous(I saw her in person and was mesmerized lol) but beyond the perfect body and seamless skin, there is also no denying that she has quite the murky past. I mean c'mon, she's an ex stripper who from what the public has been told has seriously dated women in the past. But "How did she end up with Kanye????" is the question sooooo many women ask. But what we really need to ask is why couldn't she end up with Kanye? And the even bigger question is; should only "good" women be the ones who get to end up with at least seemingly "good" men?

None of us personally know the Amber Roses and Kim Kardashians of the world. For all we know they could be sweet, gentle, attentative women who know how to care for a man. But that's not what we care about when we're asking our girlfriends, "How did she get a man?" "Didn't he see that sex tape??".

While reading one of the blogs I follow, abelleinbk.com, one of the comments made in a recent post about Amber Rose stuck out to me:
"Most of it[contempt for these women] comes from women who feel that they have made all the "right choices" and done the "right things" and someone who hasn't is getting a life they covet-- in some way".

I really had to stop in my tracks when I read this. It does seem like we challenge the position these women are in because we don't see how they could get the life we think only should be reserved for women who walk the straight and narrow. Unfortunately that isn't the way life works. Good things don't just happen to good people.

This applies to more than just women we see in the media, but also those we see everyday. When we're asking each other, "how did she get a man?", I think often we're actually saying, "why does she have a man/that man and I don't?"; whether this is something we really want to admit or not. Unless you really know the woman or man being referred to, why is it even our business how or why they got together? Maybe we should be spending more time focusing on how we're going to ensure we have the life we want and live it to the fullest.

Frustration

It's a quiet Friday night and I'm sitting in the house polishing my nails. Tonight is definitely a Brown Sugar and Loves Jones type of night.

For some reason while sitting in the hair salon this evening it hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm actually a little frustrated with my current state of singledom. Maybe it has a little to do with the fact that like 90% of my friends outside of NYC are coupled up or maybe the fact that blissful couples are using the beautiful weather as an excuse to flaunt their happiness and share it with the world. If I see one more couple kissing on the street I think I might... well, I don't know but it will probably bring a scowl to my face.

I'm not a "hater" or anything remotely close, but I am a bit sour these days about not being able to experience the same things for myself. I'm not trying to get married nor am I trying to get engaged any time soon. But what I do want is somebody to talk to and share my fears with when I'm up late at night worrying about everything but the price of tea in China. Somebody to joke around with and hold me close. I know that's not too much to ask.

Being single can definitely be fun; nobody to ask me where I'm going, who I'm with, and when I'll be back. Wining and dining and having a good time. However, I just don't like casual dating. Don't get me wrong, I like meeting new men; getting to know them and learning about their lives. I just don't like when things meet a dead end and you have to start all over again with someone new.

I was having a conversation with a good friend not that long ago who once thought I was silly for saying that I didn't like dating this way, but she has since come around to understand my point of view here and even agree with it. It takes a lot of effort/energy to casually date and it gets old quick for me. The Cancer in me, not that I believe in astrology like that or anything, is too emotionally giving to constantly be sharing myself with people only to not have much come of the encounters. It truly seems like being a serial dater just doesn't seem to be in my dna.

Or maybe I'm just overreacting out of emotion because it IS a Brown Sugar and Love Jones type of night, and any woman who is a fan of those movies knows exactly what that means.