Last night relationship adviser, Paul Brunson, posted his question of the moment(nicknamed MDMQ) on twitter and the responses exploded. The question he posed was, "Is sex necessary before marriage?".
Weeeell...
Being a not so recent joiner of team celibacy, as I have shared here before, the question automatically peaked my interest. It's a topic I've discussed many, many times with my friends and I couldn't wait to see what folks had to say. I honestly thought the number of people who said "yes" would totally outnumber those who said "no" but it turned out not to be as skewed. However, "yes" sex is necessary did prevail as the popular answer, making up around 68% of the responses.
Of course many of the folks who said "no" were members of the Jesus crew and got to going on about sex being used as a replacement for God in relationships, sex being worshiped and so on and so forth. But what I really wanted to watch were the responses from those who said yes. And naturally, they were quite entertaining.
Without fail, quite a few men likened sex being necessary before marriage to test driving a car before you buy it (-_-). Which to me is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. Maybe one of my male readers wants to explain that rationale to me, I'm all ears... well, eyes. Most "yes" responders said they felt that way because you have to make sure you're compatible with the person you're marrying and that that person is skilled enough in bed because that can make or break a relationship. But with that I have to ask, can it really?
If you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, is lackluster sex enough to call it all quits? I'd have to ask whether the bond was honestly that strong in the first place if it's that simple to just walk away from them. Bedroom skills can always improve, but it takes patience and open communication. If you're having sub par sex with your mate and you haven't told them it's sup bar, you're just as much to blame for the situation as they are. How is someone supposed to know they aren't good at something if you just go along pretending to be satisfied? Closed mouths don't get fed, remember that.
For those responses that said you need to have sex with the person you plan to marry in order to make sure you're compatible, I just say, huh? Is sex the biggest thing that connects two people?
That took me back to a convo I had with a guy I dated, where I was asked what I missed most about sex. My response was 'the intimacy'. The poser of the question responded, "but we have intimate moments." And I actually had to pause for a moment. Intimacy is possible without sex?
It wasn't a concept I had ever thought about before that moment but once I did, it all seemed to make sense. Especially because sex without intimacy is DEFINITELY possible and happens all the time. But anyway, you can intimately connect with someone who you've never made a beast with two backs* with, never even laid in the same bed with. And part of me feels like making those types of connections can draw you closer to someone. It all just depends on how you're spending your time with that person. You're not just getting together and hanging around that person because the sex is right, but because you enjoy the conversation, you enjoy the way you feel just being near them.
At times I think we give sex too much power. It's as if sex is no big deal(when we want to give ourselves permission to indulge in it) but then a huge make or break deal all at the same time. What if you fell in love and married someone and due to one reason or another, maybe a medical complication, they could no longer have sex. Would you divorce them? Sex is the glue that binds two people together, right?
But what do you all think, is sex necessary before marriage? Speak on it, I'm listening.
*Read Othello, you'll get it.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
If One More Man Tells Me What To Do...
Over the past few years, we've been told by men in mass media to recognize when a man's just not that into us, raise our expectations, lower our expectations, act like ladies but think like men, give the blue collar man a chance etc etc etc.
Is it that these male authors and bloggers* really care about the "plight" of the 21st century woman, or do they merely see a golden opportunity that could lead to books on the NY Times best seller list, movie opportunities and money in their pockets? Anybody got a stat on how much money the relationship advice industry has raked in in the past 5 years? Because I really would like to see that. With all the buzz that continues to go on surrounding women and love, I can't help but continue to notice that many of the talking heads out there on this topic are men. And for the most part, it isn't men talking to other men about how they can straighten up and fly right, but men talking to women about what we can do to make sure we don't end up lonely, bitter, cat hoarding spinsters (-_-) Just as I'm writing this post I spy a tweet about Tyrese and Rev Run coming out with a book for women called Manology and a part of my soul just died.
I totally understand the theory, "who better to tell women what men want but a man"; however, I think it's deeper than that. Women can't learn how to attract a men who is seeking women, if they don't know how to really be a woman in the first place. I'm pretty traditional if you haven't noticed yet and I've certainly realized that women have begun to lose their way. I think it's time that we go back to the basics. Women need to be showed how to dress and carry themselves in a way that we command respect and love before we even open our mouths.
We've gotten to the point where independence and gender equality are being confused with just running around doing whatever pops into our heads regardless of what the outcome may be. If we weren't the emotionally charged beings that we are, that would be fine. Many of us have decided that letting a man find us is no longer the way to go and we have to step up our 'A' game to compete with other women to find Mr. Right. Women are truly out here chasing men, both figuratively and literally, a concept that is backwards to me. By no means am I saying that women shouldn't put forth an effort but as one of my favorite Bible verses states, "a man who finds a wife, finds a good thing". That's right, a MAN, not a woman who finds a man that she can persuade, swindle or guilt into being her husband. We've gotten so swallowed up into thinking that in order to get wifed we have to start thinking and acting like men that we've gotten damn near obsessed with the race to get a man.
While we're out here changing our way of life & thought to match what some man has taught us this week, it's important to realize that finally finding a partner to settle down with isn't going to be our life's saving grace. We're not going to go from insecure, unhappy single women to happily ecstatic, confident girlfriends and wives just because a man decided to show us the attention that we deserved all along. It goes deeper than just changing how you approach dating and how you think about men. And that's an important note that I feel is being left out far too often.
Also, why is it that more female authors/bloggers are not heralded for giving stellar life/dating advice catering to women? Is it because women don't trust other women enough to believe the things that come out of our own mouths? Is it that women only like to hear relationship advice from men? Or that men really do give the best life advice? Is it some twisted manifestation of the lack of male presence in many of our childhoods/endless desire to find a father figure that makes us jump at the chance to take advice from men who at least seem to have our best interest at heart? That may have been far-fetched, but remember I majored in Psychology so everything has a deeper meaning, IMO.
I have to shout out Demetria Lucas here, author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl For Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. I followed her blog for years and thus anticipated the release of her book last year. Gladly, she did not disappoint. Her book did not merely focus on the plethora of ways to get a man but how to live life to the fullest while journeying towards Mr. Right. It wasn't only filled with checklists and diagrams on 'gettin chose' and that's what I loved about it. That's what I feel we need more of. Teach women how to be the best they can possibly be and how to truly love ourselves from the inside out and the happiness will follow... the men will follow. Unlike us, men are simple creatures. And since a woman's confidence is definitely a top selling point for them(they love confident women, can't get enough), how about we get a guide for women on how to act like women and strengthen our love of self in order to become happy, uplifted, confident women who in turn are undeniably... man-attracting machines?? :-)
The other day on Twitter, I asked who would be the one to write a book for women on decorum and etiquette, a couple of my followers said: Me. I'm preeeeetty sure they were just joking but maybe I should...
*I don't think all men who write books & blogs geared towards women are bumbling idiots, there are a couple I enjoy. I wrote about them a couple posts ago.
Is it that these male authors and bloggers* really care about the "plight" of the 21st century woman, or do they merely see a golden opportunity that could lead to books on the NY Times best seller list, movie opportunities and money in their pockets? Anybody got a stat on how much money the relationship advice industry has raked in in the past 5 years? Because I really would like to see that. With all the buzz that continues to go on surrounding women and love, I can't help but continue to notice that many of the talking heads out there on this topic are men. And for the most part, it isn't men talking to other men about how they can straighten up and fly right, but men talking to women about what we can do to make sure we don't end up lonely, bitter, cat hoarding spinsters (-_-) Just as I'm writing this post I spy a tweet about Tyrese and Rev Run coming out with a book for women called Manology and a part of my soul just died.
I totally understand the theory, "who better to tell women what men want but a man"; however, I think it's deeper than that. Women can't learn how to attract a men who is seeking women, if they don't know how to really be a woman in the first place. I'm pretty traditional if you haven't noticed yet and I've certainly realized that women have begun to lose their way. I think it's time that we go back to the basics. Women need to be showed how to dress and carry themselves in a way that we command respect and love before we even open our mouths.
We've gotten to the point where independence and gender equality are being confused with just running around doing whatever pops into our heads regardless of what the outcome may be. If we weren't the emotionally charged beings that we are, that would be fine. Many of us have decided that letting a man find us is no longer the way to go and we have to step up our 'A' game to compete with other women to find Mr. Right. Women are truly out here chasing men, both figuratively and literally, a concept that is backwards to me. By no means am I saying that women shouldn't put forth an effort but as one of my favorite Bible verses states, "a man who finds a wife, finds a good thing". That's right, a MAN, not a woman who finds a man that she can persuade, swindle or guilt into being her husband. We've gotten so swallowed up into thinking that in order to get wifed we have to start thinking and acting like men that we've gotten damn near obsessed with the race to get a man.
While we're out here changing our way of life & thought to match what some man has taught us this week, it's important to realize that finally finding a partner to settle down with isn't going to be our life's saving grace. We're not going to go from insecure, unhappy single women to happily ecstatic, confident girlfriends and wives just because a man decided to show us the attention that we deserved all along. It goes deeper than just changing how you approach dating and how you think about men. And that's an important note that I feel is being left out far too often.
Also, why is it that more female authors/bloggers are not heralded for giving stellar life/dating advice catering to women? Is it because women don't trust other women enough to believe the things that come out of our own mouths? Is it that women only like to hear relationship advice from men? Or that men really do give the best life advice? Is it some twisted manifestation of the lack of male presence in many of our childhoods/endless desire to find a father figure that makes us jump at the chance to take advice from men who at least seem to have our best interest at heart? That may have been far-fetched, but remember I majored in Psychology so everything has a deeper meaning, IMO.
I have to shout out Demetria Lucas here, author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl For Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. I followed her blog for years and thus anticipated the release of her book last year. Gladly, she did not disappoint. Her book did not merely focus on the plethora of ways to get a man but how to live life to the fullest while journeying towards Mr. Right. It wasn't only filled with checklists and diagrams on 'gettin chose' and that's what I loved about it. That's what I feel we need more of. Teach women how to be the best they can possibly be and how to truly love ourselves from the inside out and the happiness will follow... the men will follow. Unlike us, men are simple creatures. And since a woman's confidence is definitely a top selling point for them(they love confident women, can't get enough), how about we get a guide for women on how to act like women and strengthen our love of self in order to become happy, uplifted, confident women who in turn are undeniably... man-attracting machines?? :-)
The other day on Twitter, I asked who would be the one to write a book for women on decorum and etiquette, a couple of my followers said: Me. I'm preeeeetty sure they were just joking but maybe I should...
*I don't think all men who write books & blogs geared towards women are bumbling idiots, there are a couple I enjoy. I wrote about them a couple posts ago.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Chrihanna Gate 2012
If you haven't heard the Birthday Cake remix by now, you must be living under a rock; hell, even my mom has heard it. It's the lighter fluid that ignited the Chris Brown and Rihanna assault incident all over again. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to write about this topic. But the more I heard people talk about it, the more I began to feel like I needed to state my piece.
My opinion is an unpopular one. One that doesn't automatically vilify Chris Brown nor victimize Rihanna. I'm not going to sit and hash out what I think happened that night before the Grammys 3 years ago. I have no clue how things escalated to the point that Rihanna ended up with a bruised face and busted nose and neither do any of you. But what I do know for sure is that Chris committed a crime and thusly was made to pay for it. Whether or not Chris's punishment was harsh enough or not is also not for me to decide.
But what I did come to pass judgement on is, 1. why any of us felt that Rihanna would have turned out to be a role model in this situation and 2. why is it that we want Chris to pay for the sins of men who physically assault women everywhere? I've read articles such as this one from the Chicago Tribune focusing on the waste of a teachable moment and have been poised to ask another question. Why are we relying on celebrities to teach our children anything?
When the assault on Rihanna occurred, she was 20 and Chris was 19; what I refer to as kids. Both at the height of their young careers, surrounded by yes-men, the world was their oyster. That night changed both of their lives. Instantly the world turned Rihanna into a battered victim, who should use the event as a moment to become a spokeswoman for abused teenage girls everywhere and Chris, well, he became the 21st century Ike Turner. Literally overnight society wanted these two to be bigger than themselves; not just celebrities anymore but poster children for a cause.
My theory is that after people saw the photo of Rihanna's battered face, Chris immediately became the face for every abuser that ever walked the planet. Unlike many male celebrities before him who had been accused of abuse/assault(Brian McKnight, Terrence Howard, BeBe Winans, just to name a few) his victim had a face we recognized and adored. It was also impossible for him to deny that he did it. This wasn't some nameless woman who people generally could care less about, this was Rihanna; "when the sun shines we shine together" Rihanna. That fact alone turned Chris into Ike Turner. We may not have been able to burn Ike at the stakes since Tina did her best to cover up the abuse at the time, but this time "Ike" wouldn't be able to run from his crime. Chris Brown isn't the first man to put his hands on a woman and he won't be the last but how dare he abuse someone we "know"?
And the fact that so many of us feel like he hurt someone we know and identify with, makes it that much harder to forgive him. I would never condone what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. The punching, biting or the choking. I don't condone violence period; whether the aggressor is a man or woman, child, adult or elderly. But with that said, I will also ask at what point are people who inflict physical assault on another human being able to b forgiven for their crimes? After apologizing? After pleading guilty to a felony before the court of law? After the victim has forgiven them? After... never?
I've got a little religion in me these days, and with that said, I've adopted the theory that it isn't my job to forgive. That's between the perpetrator and God. I've also adopted the theory that no sin is greater than another. So if you forgive a liar, cheater or fornicator, so should an abuser who has repented also be forgiven. For humans when we feel we've been done wrong, an apology is rarely enough. And recognizing that, for many Chris Brown will never be forgiven no matter what he does.
It's an undeniable fact that following the assault, Brown lost endorsements, airtime and respect. Celebs with questionable character(ie. Diddy) seemed to be the only ones who reached out to him for reasons other than wanting to cause him bodily harm. What needed to happen following that fateful night before the Grammys wasn't a public stoning of Chris, but credible sources needed to reach out to him to help him. At the time he was a teenager, coming from a home where abuse was prevalent and as much as he spoke about not liking what went on in his own home, he no doubt became a product of his environment. What he needed wasn't grown men threatening to beat him up, but instead grown men who know the importance of respect to reach out to him and take him under their wing. I guess it's easier to vilify and turn him into some out of control monster than to be concerned about his rehabilitation.
Fast forward to 2012, Rihanna is as rebellious as ever, Chris is obviously still angry and both of them are attention seeking whores. Why again are we still expecting them to be a teachable moment and role models? I, for one, expected this reunion. I'm just surprised it took this long. Has Rihanna forgiven him? Looks like it. So what exactly do we want to happen now? If we shouldn't forgive Chris and allow him to produce popular music, worthy of awards and sold out concerts, what should happen? Should Rihanna be a spokeswoman for abused women even if she doesn't want to be?
I believe this all says something about society as a whole. It's the 21st century and we're still expecting celebrities to teach our children life lessons. How many cases of abuse, alcoholism, drug abuse, overall misconduct does it take for us to wake up and realize that it isn't a celeb's job to teach our children anything but how to turn a talent into a tool to make money?
As usual, so many questions, so few answers. But I'd love to hear some opinions.
My opinion is an unpopular one. One that doesn't automatically vilify Chris Brown nor victimize Rihanna. I'm not going to sit and hash out what I think happened that night before the Grammys 3 years ago. I have no clue how things escalated to the point that Rihanna ended up with a bruised face and busted nose and neither do any of you. But what I do know for sure is that Chris committed a crime and thusly was made to pay for it. Whether or not Chris's punishment was harsh enough or not is also not for me to decide.
But what I did come to pass judgement on is, 1. why any of us felt that Rihanna would have turned out to be a role model in this situation and 2. why is it that we want Chris to pay for the sins of men who physically assault women everywhere? I've read articles such as this one from the Chicago Tribune focusing on the waste of a teachable moment and have been poised to ask another question. Why are we relying on celebrities to teach our children anything?
When the assault on Rihanna occurred, she was 20 and Chris was 19; what I refer to as kids. Both at the height of their young careers, surrounded by yes-men, the world was their oyster. That night changed both of their lives. Instantly the world turned Rihanna into a battered victim, who should use the event as a moment to become a spokeswoman for abused teenage girls everywhere and Chris, well, he became the 21st century Ike Turner. Literally overnight society wanted these two to be bigger than themselves; not just celebrities anymore but poster children for a cause.
My theory is that after people saw the photo of Rihanna's battered face, Chris immediately became the face for every abuser that ever walked the planet. Unlike many male celebrities before him who had been accused of abuse/assault(Brian McKnight, Terrence Howard, BeBe Winans, just to name a few) his victim had a face we recognized and adored. It was also impossible for him to deny that he did it. This wasn't some nameless woman who people generally could care less about, this was Rihanna; "when the sun shines we shine together" Rihanna. That fact alone turned Chris into Ike Turner. We may not have been able to burn Ike at the stakes since Tina did her best to cover up the abuse at the time, but this time "Ike" wouldn't be able to run from his crime. Chris Brown isn't the first man to put his hands on a woman and he won't be the last but how dare he abuse someone we "know"?
And the fact that so many of us feel like he hurt someone we know and identify with, makes it that much harder to forgive him. I would never condone what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. The punching, biting or the choking. I don't condone violence period; whether the aggressor is a man or woman, child, adult or elderly. But with that said, I will also ask at what point are people who inflict physical assault on another human being able to b forgiven for their crimes? After apologizing? After pleading guilty to a felony before the court of law? After the victim has forgiven them? After... never?
I've got a little religion in me these days, and with that said, I've adopted the theory that it isn't my job to forgive. That's between the perpetrator and God. I've also adopted the theory that no sin is greater than another. So if you forgive a liar, cheater or fornicator, so should an abuser who has repented also be forgiven. For humans when we feel we've been done wrong, an apology is rarely enough. And recognizing that, for many Chris Brown will never be forgiven no matter what he does.
It's an undeniable fact that following the assault, Brown lost endorsements, airtime and respect. Celebs with questionable character(ie. Diddy) seemed to be the only ones who reached out to him for reasons other than wanting to cause him bodily harm. What needed to happen following that fateful night before the Grammys wasn't a public stoning of Chris, but credible sources needed to reach out to him to help him. At the time he was a teenager, coming from a home where abuse was prevalent and as much as he spoke about not liking what went on in his own home, he no doubt became a product of his environment. What he needed wasn't grown men threatening to beat him up, but instead grown men who know the importance of respect to reach out to him and take him under their wing. I guess it's easier to vilify and turn him into some out of control monster than to be concerned about his rehabilitation.
Fast forward to 2012, Rihanna is as rebellious as ever, Chris is obviously still angry and both of them are attention seeking whores. Why again are we still expecting them to be a teachable moment and role models? I, for one, expected this reunion. I'm just surprised it took this long. Has Rihanna forgiven him? Looks like it. So what exactly do we want to happen now? If we shouldn't forgive Chris and allow him to produce popular music, worthy of awards and sold out concerts, what should happen? Should Rihanna be a spokeswoman for abused women even if she doesn't want to be?
I believe this all says something about society as a whole. It's the 21st century and we're still expecting celebrities to teach our children life lessons. How many cases of abuse, alcoholism, drug abuse, overall misconduct does it take for us to wake up and realize that it isn't a celeb's job to teach our children anything but how to turn a talent into a tool to make money?
As usual, so many questions, so few answers. But I'd love to hear some opinions.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Uh, Hello, Men Have Issues Too!
Somebody talk to me about men and their daddy issues. Or maybe men and their mommy issues. Because they've got them. And I for one, am tired of pretending like they don't. Ladies are you all tired too?
Let's just clear the air for a second. Women are not the only sex effected by their childhood experiences with their parents. The man whose father left him when he was a kid is just as marred by that occurrence as a woman is! The difference is just that women are brought up to know that it's okay to be emotional and talk about your emotions while men essentially get taught the complete opposite.
"Be a man!" "Toughen up!" "Men don't cry!"
Sound familiar? The truth however, is that sure, men may not cry but they sure as hell act out and operate out of fear due to their upbringings.
I've met the men who are afraid their relationships & marriages are destined to end in failure/divorce so they only offer up half-ass tries. Those who don't believe they'll ever have healthy relationships. Who think womanizing is the way to go because that's what their fathers, who probably acted more like boys in adult bodies than beacons of positive leadership, taught them & showed them through their own actions. I've seriously heard some things from men about their pasts that made me cringe. But what I heard also made me have "ah ha" moments about the way they act and treat the women they deal with.
If there's one thing I have learned, it's that experiences from your past are not excuses for your current actions, but they are reasons. We can deny, deny, deny until we die that our pasts heavily influence who we are, but at the end of the day, they do. And in order to harness those experiences, we have to face and deal with them. No more sweeping the past under the rug in hopes that no one will notice that your flaws are showing.
How do men get to a point where they are able to open up and be real about negative emotional occurrences in their pasts, so that they can properly address them?
I truly think that's the only way we can start to heal the current state of love. But then again, what do I know? I'm just a chic with a laptop and a head full of thoughts.
#occupyblacklove
Monday, February 20, 2012
Tell Me About Your Love
Seems like everybody I know has dating & love horror stories.
Men are triflin, women are needy. Nobody knows what they really want and it seems like we'd all have more luck winning the lotto than striking it rich in love.
Even though this is what I hear day after day, from the mouths of strangers and friends, I refuse to believe it. Love lives and I want you to tell me all about it.
If you've got love in your life, I ask that you share that story here. Don't be shy, tell me how it happened. Feel free to post anonymously, we don't have to know who you are to know your story :0)
Men are triflin, women are needy. Nobody knows what they really want and it seems like we'd all have more luck winning the lotto than striking it rich in love.
Even though this is what I hear day after day, from the mouths of strangers and friends, I refuse to believe it. Love lives and I want you to tell me all about it.
If you've got love in your life, I ask that you share that story here. Don't be shy, tell me how it happened. Feel free to post anonymously, we don't have to know who you are to know your story :0)
Monday, February 13, 2012
Happy Valentine's Day!!
Happy Valentine's Day Folks!!!!!!!
I'm single and currently dating God, but dammit I'm not bitter today!! Did I just curse and put God in the same sentence? Yikes. Y'all get what I'm saying though. No?
It's February 14th, a day that for many single folks often brings about a day full of scowls, devoured pints of ice cream, man bashing sessions and feelings of hate towards everything red, floral or heart shaped. But c'mon folks, married/engaged/single or otherwise, today is a day to celebrate love!
I've had a Valentine only once and I still love the day. Yes, it's commercialized. Yes, you should celebrate love everyday. But think of it this way, you're alive everyday and you still want people to make a big deal out of your birthday and pop bottles in celebration right? Exactly!
So what if you're not in a relationship. Celebrate the love that you do have around you. Your family members, your friends... shower them all with love! When's the last time you told yourself, "I Love You"? If you have to think about the answer to that, it's been too long. Don't get depressed because cupid has yet to shoot his arrow your way(corny huh?) and definitely don't turn into The Grinch Who Stole Valentine's Day. With that said, I leave you all with this, a little love below :0)
I'm single and currently dating God, but dammit I'm not bitter today!! Did I just curse and put God in the same sentence? Yikes. Y'all get what I'm saying though. No?
It's February 14th, a day that for many single folks often brings about a day full of scowls, devoured pints of ice cream, man bashing sessions and feelings of hate towards everything red, floral or heart shaped. But c'mon folks, married/engaged/single or otherwise, today is a day to celebrate love!
I've had a Valentine only once and I still love the day. Yes, it's commercialized. Yes, you should celebrate love everyday. But think of it this way, you're alive everyday and you still want people to make a big deal out of your birthday and pop bottles in celebration right? Exactly!
So what if you're not in a relationship. Celebrate the love that you do have around you. Your family members, your friends... shower them all with love! When's the last time you told yourself, "I Love You"? If you have to think about the answer to that, it's been too long. Don't get depressed because cupid has yet to shoot his arrow your way(corny huh?) and definitely don't turn into The Grinch Who Stole Valentine's Day. With that said, I leave you all with this, a little love below :0)
Sunday, February 12, 2012
The Dangers of Blogging
My very first post on this blog, which was back in January 2010, ended by saying:
"*For my friends/associates/ex lovers and the like who may read my memoirs and see yourselves in these stories, don't be mad! It only means you were on my mind"
Even with that warning, I knew there could possibly be people who may still get offended, upset or hurt by things that I write here. However it never fails to catch me off guard when someone tells me they didn't like something that I wrote about them. Why you ask?
1. I rarely get comments on here, so I assume the number of people who actually read this blog is preeeetty small. It isn't until someone quotes something I said or brings up a topic I wrote about that it really does hit me that there are more eyes on this blog than I thought. So making people upset but what I put here, definitely is not something I would intentionally set out to do, but when I'm blogging and purging my thoughts on a certain topic or experience, the last thing I'm honestly thinking about is how the subject of the post might feel if they were to read it. That may sound callous but it's MY blog.
2. I never, not ever, use people's real names if I'm writing about an intimate experience. By intimate, I'm not referring to sex so don't try and scroll back through the posts to see if you missed something juicy, nasties :-) I don't even use physical descriptions of people!
3. I never thought that the men I know could actually feel some type of way about the things I write here.
Wow, that sounded a bit insensitive... but it's true. I know men with some pretty big egos. They have confident auras and often seem like nothing ever phases them, so if/when I get called out for something I wrote here, it shocks me; and it's happened more than once.
Having come to the reality that, look chic, folks read your blog and may actually pick up on context clues and piece puzzles together and find themselves staring back at them on the computer screen, I'm forced to ask myself the question whether some situations are too personal to write about? I completely understand that that's what people want to read, the gritty interesting stuff, and honestly that's what I want to write about, but do I want to make people upset in the process? Should there be a filter?
I'm no Carrie and this isn't Sex in The City. There are real people in this blog and real emotions behind them. In the midst of purging my soul here and in return getting free therapy, could I potentially be scaring(for a lack of a better word) guys off because they don't want to end up as my next blog topic?
Food for thought.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)