Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Why Friends With Benefits Benefits No One

So Valentine's Day is a couple days away and guess what? I'm not going to write a post about it this time. Honestly, as much as I'm a fan of the holiday, I really have nothing to say about it this year. I don't have a Valentine and even my dad, who usually sends me flowers every year, has already told me that won't be happening because I live in their basement now lol. And no, I'm not bitter, I'm just explaining my current state of VDay ambivalence :o) So with all that said, I decided to write about this topic instead.

A couple weekends ago I went to see No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman; however, long before I saw the movie I had been wanting to write a post about the topic of 'friends with benefits' arrangements.

Whether you call them friends with benefits, sex buddies, cut buddies or whatever else, long story short, I don't believe in them. In theory this concept seems like a homerun, but most of the time it ends up being a recipe for disaster. Let me break down for you guys.

Why this situation doesn't work for women:
I've heard women, some of them my own friends, say that they can be in relationships that are purely sexual & have that be a-okay with them (-_-) Let's be forreal. As women, we aren't wired to seperate sex and emotional attachment. I'm not saying we fall in love with every man we have sex with, but we definitely form some type of weird bond with them. Especially if we've had sex more than once with the guy. At the end of the day, I don't think men who once viewed you as a form of sexual enjoyment can take you seriously as anything else. I know that's a blanket statement and that sometimes something more does spring from these situations, but that is so rare. So why would you willingly want to engage in a relationship that more often than not will lead you on a long & possibly emotional journey to nowhere land? Do you really want to only get "I want to see you" calls at 1am?? Never be taken out on a date by this guy? Never be introduced to his close friends and family?? I doubt it.

Why this situation doesn't work for men:
I really think you men out there think you hit the jackpot when a woman "agrees"(most of the time not verbally, but just by going along with it) to a FWB situation. You see it as getting the booty and not having to worry about the drama that comes along with romantic relationships. Well, let me tell you this; you also put yourself at risk of aquiring what I like to refer to as the Stage 5 Clinger. Ever had a girl that you were simply having sex with want to start getting more involved in your life? Maybe she wants to go out in the daylight, meet your friends, your mama even. Or better yet, maybe she's called you 5 times back to back and left some scathing voicemail once she's noticed you aren't picking up? That my friends, is a Stage 5 Clinger.

Let me reinerate that most sane and stable women will not be okay with a FWB situation for very long. If she likes you enough to be sleeping with you and maybe even letting you spend the night and drool on her pillow, she probably likes you enough to try and see if she can some how, through sex voodoo, convince you to take her more seriously. It's a problem we women sometimes have of thinking we can change men's minds and thoughts in order to have them align with our own.

So ladies, please save yourselves and your friends too from the headaches and men, save yourselves from Stage 5 Clingers by just saying "NO" to friends with benefits relationships.

Do you guys agree or am I just speaking from a one sided point of view?