Friday, May 21, 2010

What About Your Friends?

So the other day I decided to have a Sex and The City series marathon. As I watched episode after episode, I begin to realize how the focus of the show wasn't necessarily sex, or really even the male relationships Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda carried on throughout the shows duration, but more so about the special bond that they all shared with one another.

Man after man, argument after argument, these 4 women stuck together through it all. Their lives evolved throughout the course of the series but it seemed that their bond only grew stronger. Are bonds like this between women realistic? Or, are they just made for TV? As women, we can be pretty catty and controntational at times, often letting drama spoil any chances we may have had at creating lasting bonds.

What I've also noticed is that even when we do create close bonds with other women, we're more likely than men are to toss our friends to the side when we find someone that we're interested in being with. I've definitely heard women say, "I'd love to hang out with you all and do this or that, but you know I gotta man now." Why does being in a relationship mean you have to totally stop being around the people who cared about you before he came along? Because the truth is that if things don't work out with that guy, those same friends will be the one's you want to lean on for support.

The older I get, the more I am beginning to realize how important my relationships with the other women in my life actually are. When I was younger, I took many of the people I came across for granted, it's like I thought they would always be there. People came and went, and a lot of my friendships were like revolving doors. As I come to a point where I want to feel settled in life, I actually desire to create healthy, genuine bonds with my female friends. I want to be able to have honest, reliable, non judgemental female relationships. Is that too much to ask?

At A Crossroad

"I've been waitin' on this my whole life
These dreams be wakin' me up at night"

I Wonder
- Kanye West

I really never thought life would get this complex. I was telling one of my friends a couple weeks ago that it feels like I have a storm cloud brewing inside my head. At this point I'm just hoping that once that storm cloud decides to burst, positivity and understanding rain down. I have so many thoughts and questions about where my life is heading, I literally am beginning to have trouble sleeping. As soon as I lay down, my mind starts thinking about my imminent future.

It seems like everybody I talk to, who's hovering around the 25y.o., range is trying to figure out if where they are right now, both mentally and physically, is where they need to be. So much time is spent mulling over all the questions. Am I doing what makes me happy? Is this where I want to be? If not, where do I want to be? What is my future going to look like? Will I be doing what I love?

One thing I do know, which is what I think challenges me the most, is that I can't spend the rest of my life working in the corporate world. Parts of me are way too free to have to spend all of my days playing by the rules and hoping somebody sees me fit enough to make it to the top. But where does that leave me? Entrepenuership? That sounds so great, but it's so risky. How do I keep my fears from holding me back? I feel like it's so important that I choose the right path now so that I don't end up saying "what-if" or "shoulda/woulda/coulda".

I know you guys see where my dilemma lies. This quarterlife thing is definitely about self discovery. I feel like I'm back in 6th grade again, trying to figure out who I am. I love my parents dearly, but they surely did me wrong for not warning me about this.

Anybody out there feel where I'm coming from? Share.

A little food for thought. This is an oldie but goodie.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Road Not Taken(1915)
- Robert Frost

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

He's Choosing

I wish I had $20 for every time I've held a conversation with one of my girlfriends, where they were waiting on the guy that they were seeing to decide that they should make things official. I actually hear this scenario so often, I'm tired of it. Why does it seem like relationships nowadays are such power struggles and unfortunately the women are on the losing side of this tug-of-war?

I can't lie, I've experienced this myself. Waiting around in the wings for a guy to decide he's done playing games, done having fun, done hanging with the boys, and is ready to take a leap and settle in for longer than a couple dates. I've watched women wait & wait & wait some more; one of my friends has actually been waiting for 2 whole years for the guy she's seeing to commit. While I think such extremes are an absolute waste of time, I wonder why it is that we wait at all? Are we afraid that if we walk away from the guy who's content with giving us only a portion of himself, we may lose out on experiencing how good things might be with him? Or is the available male to female ratio that skewed in guy's favor that women are "forced" to feel that waiting around is totally worth it?

It seems like the men are out here doing all the choosing, while women are sitting around waiting to be picked. It's kind of like being back in elementary school gym class waiting to be picked for the team. The worst part though is that sometimes you may be the only one out there in the schoolyard and still he's not picking you. Kind of sucks, huh? Maybe this is what "relationship experts" really mean when they say raise your standards. Don't allow yourself to be picked over and pushed to the side all in the name of possibly ending up in the relationship you've fantasized about the whole time you've been waiting. Maybe just maybe it's time for the tables to turn; and no I dont mean start approaching men. However, maybe we need to choose to be smarter about the way we deal with the men in our lives.

The whole time you're sitting around waiting for someone who isn't ready to make the same moves you are, you may be and probably are missing out on other promising opportunities. Ladies, we need to start choosing; choosing to put ourselves and our desires first instead of continuing to be the lady in waiting.