Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Emotional Guy

So I have recently fallen head over heels in like with this guy. He's totally not my type physically but there's just something about him that draws me to him. Is it his charm? Personality? His way with words? I'm not quite sure what it could be but I think it may have something to do with how in touch he seems to be with his emotions. I may as well cut to the chase instead of leaving you guys in the dark about who this guy is.

The guy I'm talking about is none other than Drake. Yes, I am referring to the rapper lol. I know I had you guys going for a moment and a few of my girlfriends out there were probably about to dial me up and blast me for not telling them before I put my business out into the blogosphere.

But anyway, there is definitely something about the emotion that he shares with the world through his music. He raps about finding love, familial relationships, and even crying. He doesn't seem to have many reservations when it comes to putting his emotions out there and from what I have heard it seems like the ladies appreciate it (I mean c'mon, this guy said he can't wait to find someone so that he can love her the way he wishes his mother had been loved. Who wouldn't swoon over that??). However, if there is nothing that I know better, it's that there is a fiiiine line between being able to appreciate an emotional man and having that man's emotions get on your nerves. Every woman wants a man who can understand how she feels and respects her emotions but when it comes to dealing with male emotions, the tables often turn. If a guy is "too emotional" (ie. he complains a lot, cries,

I grew up in a household where male emotion was very matter of fact. I knew and still know that my dad loves me, but there was no sappyness, no crying, no excitement, no extreme emotion what so ever from him. While I understand that this is just who his is, it can still be frustrating to deal with. I want to know when you're really happy, or sad, or excited, disappointed. I don't want to have to take a guess and hope I'm right about it. Just like how men don't want to read our minds, we don't want to have to read yours either!

Growing up I also encoutered males who fell into the opposite end of the emotion spectrum and may have been a little too emotional for me. I mean, don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with having and showing emotion, but I feel the problem arieses when you're unable to control your emotion. It just makes me a bit uncomfortable *cue Chris Brown's break down at the BET awards* because it's not necessarily something I know how to deal with. That said, some of you all may think I have a bit of a double standard about male and female emotional expression, but not really because I honestly can't really deal with women who are this way either.

Is there a happy medium out there when it comes to male emotion? A guy who can express himself when he's feeling some type of way, but doesn't take his emotion to the extreme ends either. As a culture are we still too closed-minded to the expression of male emotion, thus having men feel as if they need to keep the majority of their emotions bottled up? And lastly, are we ladies sometimes still too entrenched in the double standard that says men aren't supposed to be emotional but it's perfectly fine for us to do so?

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Why the Ho Can Be a Housewife Too

I've been thinking about the subject of wifing up women with questionable pasts for quite some time, but I just recently came to the conclusion that "hos can surely be housewives" just like anyone else.

The woman who really made me think about this is none other than Amber Rose. There is no denying that this woman is gorgeous(I saw her in person and was mesmerized lol) but beyond the perfect body and seamless skin, there is also no denying that she has quite the murky past. I mean c'mon, she's an ex stripper who from what the public has been told has seriously dated women in the past. But "How did she end up with Kanye????" is the question sooooo many women ask. But what we really need to ask is why couldn't she end up with Kanye? And the even bigger question is; should only "good" women be the ones who get to end up with at least seemingly "good" men?

None of us personally know the Amber Roses and Kim Kardashians of the world. For all we know they could be sweet, gentle, attentative women who know how to care for a man. But that's not what we care about when we're asking our girlfriends, "How did she get a man?" "Didn't he see that sex tape??".

While reading one of the blogs I follow,, one of the comments made in a recent post about Amber Rose stuck out to me:
"Most of it[contempt for these women] comes from women who feel that they have made all the "right choices" and done the "right things" and someone who hasn't is getting a life they covet-- in some way".

I really had to stop in my tracks when I read this. It does seem like we challenge the position these women are in because we don't see how they could get the life we think only should be reserved for women who walk the straight and narrow. Unfortunately that isn't the way life works. Good things don't just happen to good people.

This applies to more than just women we see in the media, but also those we see everyday. When we're asking each other, "how did she get a man?", I think often we're actually saying, "why does she have a man/that man and I don't?"; whether this is something we really want to admit or not. Unless you really know the woman or man being referred to, why is it even our business how or why they got together? Maybe we should be spending more time focusing on how we're going to ensure we have the life we want and live it to the fullest.

Friday, June 18, 2010


It's a quiet Friday night and I'm sitting in the house polishing my nails. Tonight is definitely a Brown Sugar and Loves Jones type of night.

For some reason while sitting in the hair salon this evening it hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm actually a little frustrated with my current state of singledom. Maybe it has a little to do with the fact that like 90% of my friends outside of NYC are coupled up or maybe the fact that blissful couples are using the beautiful weather as an excuse to flaunt their happiness and share it with the world. If I see one more couple kissing on the street I think I might... well, I don't know but it will probably bring a scowl to my face.

I'm not a "hater" or anything remotely close, but I am a bit sour these days about not being able to experience the same things for myself. I'm not trying to get married nor am I trying to get engaged any time soon. But what I do want is somebody to talk to and share my fears with when I'm up late at night worrying about everything but the price of tea in China. Somebody to joke around with and hold me close. I know that's not too much to ask.

Being single can definitely be fun; nobody to ask me where I'm going, who I'm with, and when I'll be back. Wining and dining and having a good time. However, I just don't like casual dating. Don't get me wrong, I like meeting new men; getting to know them and learning about their lives. I just don't like when things meet a dead end and you have to start all over again with someone new.

I was having a conversation with a good friend not that long ago who once thought I was silly for saying that I didn't like dating this way, but she has since come around to understand my point of view here and even agree with it. It takes a lot of effort/energy to casually date and it gets old quick for me. The Cancer in me, not that I believe in astrology like that or anything, is too emotionally giving to constantly be sharing myself with people only to not have much come of the encounters. It truly seems like being a serial dater just doesn't seem to be in my dna.

Or maybe I'm just overreacting out of emotion because it IS a Brown Sugar and Love Jones type of night, and any woman who is a fan of those movies knows exactly what that means.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Share you? No problem.

Open marriage.

Yes, I said open marriage. Is there really such a thing? Why is there such a thing?

So lately I've been hearing things here and there about the concept of swinging and open marriages. Catching a clip on HBO Real Sex about a swinging camp really made me just go ahead and write this entry. I'm all down with the unconventional relationship thing. I don't care if you're heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or polyamorous. Honestly, I say do what you do. But what's really the point of being married if you plan on being with other people at the same time? Why not just keep on dating and forget about even putting a title on it?

I started thinking about this topic after the idea of Will and Jada being swingers popped back up following their interview on Oprah the other week, and the topic became a discussion while I was sitting in the hairdresser. I don't know for a fact whether they swing or not, I mean if it works for them, then so be it. They've definitely lasted longer than a lot of other Hollywood couples. But it still made me wonder what the point is in having a marriage where you are committed, by law, to one person but comitted to exploring other people at the same time?

While watching the HBO segment, one of the swingers they spoke with expressed the feeling that it goes against human nature to be monogomous. By being in such relationships we're forcing ourselves to go against our true desires, ie. being able to be with people aside from our significant other whom we find ourselves attracted to. Another swinger even went on to reference how high the divorce rate is and how many people end up divorced because someone ended up cheating due to a lack of communication. Could there be something to this?

Does the current institution of marriage go against our human nature? Would we all be just a liiiittle bit happier if open relationships and marriage were the norm? And how do you deal with jealousy? I mean, it would seem to me that that would be tough to avoid. What may seem like a good idea in the conceptual phase, could become a tough pill to swallow when your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend falls hard for someone else.

This topic is a tough one to understand for me, but maybe y0u all could offer some insight.