Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Power of the P-*-S-S-Y

Ah ha! That title got your attention, didn't it?

Last week I was honored to attend a dinner and discuss with Mr. Bereolesque himself, Enitan Bereola II, and a few other dinner guests. We discussed everything from whether it's okay or not for your mate to be hanging out at the out on a regular basis, to cheating and sexual compatibility. Out of all the topics we discussed, and the knowledge that was shared, there was one point that was made that night that stuck with me the most and it came from Enitan:

Women don't know the power they really do have in relationships.

The moment I heard this, my brain pumped it's breaks! My girl friends and I had been discussing this very idea ad nauseum for the past few weeks. We've come to the conclusions that many women these days, ourselves included at one point or another, have forgotten how much power we hold when it comes to dealing with men. And that has most certainly left us on the losing end of the relationship scale. Let me be clear though, I'm not talking about the power of sex. 

There's no denying that women, particularly young, college-educated, professional women have been beat over the head with statistics that point to the belief that men of equal or greater stature, are in low supply and high demand. And anyone who knows anything about the principle of supply and demand knows what this type of situation creates; a culture where women start to operate out of fear and panic. A panic stemming from the fear that if they don't act quickly, they'll be destined to lives of loneliness. So to avoid such an "undesirable" situation women have begun to compromise ourselves. There's a silent competition going on out here among us ladies and slowly but surely we're throwing all of the rules and subsequently our power out of the window. 

We've become 'yes women'. We want to do whatever we think a man likes and wants before some other woman can. But the odd thing that we've neglected to remember, is that men like a challenge. They are easily bored and turned off by women who do everything they ask them to and answer to their every beck & call. Of course they enjoy that in the beginning, who wouldn't? But more than likely he'll end up with the woman who isn't afraid to tell him "no" sometimes and presents more of an interesting challenge for him.

Women forgetting that they have an undeniable power is what has prompted countless articles, blog & books about women needing to have and stick to their expectations &standards. Expectations/standards aren't about wanting a man with 6 figures and a BMW, they're about wanting someone who will respect you. put you before others, love & protect you. Those are expectations and standards that matter. Who cares if he's driving a S-Class Benz, owns his own home, and makes 6 figures if he treats you like sh*t?? 

You don't have to be caught in a rat race with other women trying to campaign and do the most for a man(who you can only hope will appreciate your advances) because you don't want to be single. If you want a man, go out and get him! But not by compromising your expectations and standards, thus giving up your womanly power. Believe it or not, we're the ones who set the tone in relationship. If you act like you don't care where the relationship is going, he won't either but if you want something serious, make that clear. And if he doesn't seem to be interested in that, pack it up and move on. We lose so much of our sanity pretending to be happy in less than ideal situations because we just want to be with someone. We've got to put that fear aside and embrace that power!

Oh, before I go, there is one last note. While this post turned out not to be about the power of women's lady parts(ha), I have to say that there is power in waiting to have sex with a man. And I'm not saying you have to wait until marriage, but make him work for it. Men are extremely sexual beings, so of course he may try and put the moves on you from what seems like day 1 but that doesn't mean you should oblige him just so he won't run off and become interested in someone else. Even if he does seem irritated by the fact that you won't cave into his desires, he'll also respect you even more for telling him no. That's something many men won't come right out and say but ask one of your good male friends, they'll probably tell you I'm right.

That power of the p-*-s-s-y? Let's use it wisely ladies.


  1. Welp, that's all that needs to be said about that!

  2. *shakes tambourine*

    "We lose so much of our sanity pretending to be happy in less than ideal situations because we just want to be with someone." <<-- That has GOT to stop!

  3. Greate post, luring people in with the title and all lol.. Before woman get to the fear and panic part that you spoke of, they are struggling with loving themselves. Insecurity, lack of self-esteem and the current "standard" of women is what's killing the game right now. Insecurity, leading from the image of what "beauty" is for a woman, black and white (which is really a whole other post and book). Self-esteem, which is supposed to be manifested at home, but is only one aspect. And the low standard of what represents a women.. Nicki Minaj being the postergirl to our teenagers, who is a remix to Lil Kim. It's a combination of reasons why women use their private parts to negotiate advancement in society. When you have a mix of low self-esteem and/or insecurity and an overall low standard for women, combined with an exit strategy of using what you have to get what you want, it seems like an easy answer, especially when you see it done in real life (Monica Lewinsky is an easy example), and then you see it on TV daily (Basketball Wives). It's easy for one to love them self because their parents told them to do so, but then turn around and question them self because society tells them that being a size 8 with B-cups is a failure. Before fear and panic kick in, they resort to what seems like an easy answer, throw the box in a few directions, get some pampering, some affections and some sex, and maybe even a man that you think accepts you for your imperfections, and for that time, you don't even think about your insecurities, you're not home crying alone, atleast you have his shoulder to cry on... Then you become that female that has a man and flaunts it in single females faces..... all until that feeling passes, that man dips out of your life, and you're back to square one.. but like all human beings, we make the same mistake, over and over, until something happens that makes us wake up and smell the dew, instead of the coffee.

  4. 3 snaps and away we go for Mr. Ruckus!

    Men totally get it, so why don't we ladies? That's really the point I'm trying to get at here. I'll admit it took me a long time to figure out that I didn't love myself nearly as much as I thought I did. And before you can go out and try to love someone else it's absolutely mandatory that you love yourself. The more that you love who you are, the less likely you are to be willing to compromise yourself to please some one else.

    Society is a mutha-effer when it comes to women's self-esteem especially for women of color, which is why we need that strong foundation before the world has a chance to tear us down. However, since black men know this(and I know y'all know this), shouldn't you all help to build us up & support us not help to feed those insecurities?*
    Yes, I'm generalizing, the affect is greater that way lol.

    Thanks for reading and commenting guys!

  5. Men don't try to uplift females because it's like giving the enemy firearms. Guys want to get the p*ssy, not empower it. Empowering it throws off the unbalanced scale, why would we want to give up the advantage of "control" especially when we know she really has the power? So we take advantage and tape steps to make sure the scale continues to tip our way.

    Depending on the relationship a female has with a male will determine his attempt to educate her on the ways of the game and/or her self-esteem and insecurities. A father, brother, uncle, elder cousin/relative, should definitely be part of the supporting structure that creates a foundation for high morals and self-esteem.

    A close male friendship has put a lot of females on, especially when they are going through a bad relationship and the male friend is there hearing about the crazy stories.

    But it's just man vs man, or in this case man vs woman. You live and you learn, some are just slow learners.

  6. I wanted to "chuuuuch!" and smh my head all at the same time at your last comment, Mr. Ruckus. Either way it's because what you're saying is true. I don't think women listen enough to the advice from the men who actually care about them. My guy friends have definitely given me advice in the past that made me pause and think about some of the silly things I was doing. I figure most chics just think we know best, when sometimes we really don't.

    We're too busy ignoring our gut feelings and being swindled by those selfish guys out there who don't have our best interest at heart. It definitely takes time(and experience as well) but I'm hoping more of us will figure this out.

  7. Real quickly I just want to say that everyone made good points. I especially liked Dunni asking about men support & uplifting women. If you ask some women they might say they spend more than enough time building up & empowering black men so it would be nice if that concept went both ways, however, I agree with male figures & friends being placed in our lives to carry out that task as well.

  8. Di, this post described the early stages of my relationship over two years ago. And I'm SO blessed to say that lucky man became my husband four months ago. Throughout college and grad school, I always dealt with men that only wanted me for my body then dumped me when they weren't ready to commit. That excuse really pisses me off. But, when my husband wanted to get to know me better he wanted to work at my pace. Which meant, no booty right after the first date and I didn't even want to kiss him right away! I wanted to make him work for a relationship and my heart, and he was up for the task. That showed me he was serious about me and reminded me of the power I held in the relationship. No matter what happened, he respected my decisions, and that's why I gave him a chance. He may not have a college or master's degree, or a six-figure salary, but he loves the Lord, loves me, and is not intimidated by what I've accomplished. He supports my dreams and vice versa. He treats me like a queen, and I'm convinced that ALL women can be treated this way. It's just a matter of ending bad decisions based on physical needs and loneliness. Having positive male figures in our lives does make a difference. And, self love is THE most important aspect. Once a woman accepts herself, loves herself the way God loves her, the man He made for her will come along. That's my story, hope it gives someone insight.