Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Waiting Game: When He Won't Change His Mind

This post is specifically geared to the ladies. Since I am a woman I spend a lot of time thinking about the things we do that are counterproductive to our happiness. One thing I have noticed is the willingness we have to subject ourselves to what I refer to as, "the waiting game". I'm guilty of this myself, so I'm definitely not pointing fingers here.

One example of the waiting game is when you like a guy, and he likes you, and you all decide you're going to date. So you date...and you date, and you date for months. And those months turn into a year and that year grows into a year and a half and so on. And still you are just dating. I don't know one woman who would merely date a guy that she genuinely was interested in and not want to make things official. I've heard women who are in this dating game say things like, "He says he doesn't want a girlfriend and even though I want him to be my boyfriend, I'm fine with us just dating." 4 words ladies: STOP LYING TO YOURSELVES!!

I was in exactly this type of situation a couple years ago. I can definitely say I was never 100% okay with after spending over 6 months dating, just being the woman he's dating. And you know what happened after that extended period of dating? He stopped dating me and a couple weeks later made someone else his girlfriend. I'm not trying to say that that is what is going to happen, but I have heard more than a couple stories about women who were waiting in the wings for their man to propose and instead they ended up breaking up and a mere couple months later their ex ends up engaged to someone else!

The bottom line here is really, when a man tells you he isn't ready for something that you wholeheartedly know you want, find the courage to walk away. If I have learned nothing else, when a man is ready, he will be all in and willing to take any plunge (whether it's making the move to girlfriend/boyfriend status, or deciding to pop the question). You can't convince someone that they want to be with you or marry you, and time more than likely will not push him closer to doing what you want. Haven't we all learned that you can't change a man!

To the men out there reading this, please don't be like these selfish guys in this situation. Men are just as guilty here. For the men that have been in this situation, what made you choose to keep stringing the woman along instead of walking away?

How many of you ladies have ever been in this situation? Or maybe still are?


  1. You know what - I have seen a lot of women in this situation (especially in the waiting game to be proposed to) and before you know it the guy does find what he was searching for the whole time (and it wasn't that girl).

    I have been in the "waiting room" once, waiting for a title, and I have also (unfortunately) strung guys along because I wanted to "weigh my options" or see what else is out there. Bottom line, you can't make a man or woman do anything they don't want to do. And if you do force it (which I have done before as well) you can have devastating consequences.

    I think communication is key, if I want something more I say it, and if he doesn't or is unsure I move on...

  2. I wish more people could move on as easily as you did! After a while it really just becomes a waste of time. While you're waiting to get what you want from that person, who obviously isn't set on wanting you, valuable time is ticking lol.

    You said that when you did it, you were weighing your options. Do you think that's why guys do it?

  3. Well, I can't lie it wasn't easy...

    And I think that when guys or girls play the waiting game they are looking for something (something that they probably don't see in the current prospect), a lot of times they don't even know what it is that they are looking for, but when they find it you won't have to force a commitment out of them (which is why I think you will see a guy with a girl for 10 years, then they break up and he gets married to some random 3 months later)

  4. Well i have been in a "relationship" for almost 7 years and in "the waiting room" since my daughter has been born. She just turned 2! I HAVE WASTED ALOT OF TIME! thanks for this girl...the past few months i have really been done...So i am now prepared to really walk away now!!

  5. Guilty is all I can say. Recently this has been on my mind though.

  6. Hey it's good to read and hear sound advice on this. I've been with a man for 5years, he says he wants to be together but doesn't want to marry. We agreed the whole relationship was to lead to marriage. Now it's clear after years and thousands of dollars assisting him in his "acting" career, that it's time to move. He laughed as I told him I knew he was playing the waiting game on me. He's 62, I'm 49. TIME TO GO!!