Yesterday I met up with two of my good friends from college. I luv these girls, and haven't seen them in the same place together in a year and a half. Naturally as the evening progressed, our conversation turned to relationships.
All three of us are single; however, they made it very clear to me that they are single by choice not by force. Me... not so much lol. They even went on to tell me that in a mere 2 weeks they can have me boo'd up with a man of my choice if I enroll in their dating bootcamp. I was amused, but curious as well to hear what this hypothetical bootcamp was all about. Both of my friends are quite the Southern Belles, and I kindly reminded them that dating in NYC is totally different from dating in the South. There must be like 10 educated single women to every 1 comparable man in NYC. And unlike many men I've come across up here, men in the South generally have very little reservation about settling down at a relatively young age.
My girlfriends had two key pieces of advice for me from their bootcamp: 1. be willing to date men of different races. 2. date older men. Essentially, broaden my horizons. I never considered myself to be closeminded. I mean my requirements are pretty standard: smart, attractive, ambitious, honest, and funny(you HAVE to be able to make me laugh, no ifs and or buts). I have never set parameters on age or race but I naturally have my preferences. I would honestly rather end up marrying a man who is the same race as I am... that doesn't mean I wouldn't consider dating outside my race though. It would just take a lot for me to do so.
Dating older men is definitely something I have considered. I always felt that I was mature for my age. I like to have fun but I don't have much patience for nonsence. I know what I'm looking for from a guy and find it hard to compromise, especially if I've taken a genuine interest in someone. That alone makes it difficult for me to date guys my age. I find that many men in their mid-20s are focused on achieving career goals and having fun and find it hard or are unwilling to juggle that with the idea of a relationship. Don't get me wrong though, just because a man is older doesn't mean his head is on any straighter. After having gone on dates with two 30-somethings who turned out to be cheaters(those stories are definitely coming down the pipeline), I realized that a man who doesn't want to "behave" isn't going to behave, no matter how old he is.
Whether I will adopt either of these tidbits of advice, I haven't decided yet. The older man idea, doesn't sound half bad though ;o)
What do you all think??
You know I agree with the giving older men a try. I am a BIG fan! As well, for dating a man of another race. I say go for it! You never know what happens, you just have to remember to go into things with an open mind. And remember to possess the "lightness of being." :) At the end of it all, I honestly believe we all reach "the one" and/or that great relationship in our own different ways. No path is exactly the same. So keep the faith and practice patience. It will happen. (This is probably the same advice I should be saying to myself...)
ReplyDeleteP.S. Take notes in your dating bootcamp! :)
It's aaaall about the "lightness of being" in 2010. I definitely know we will reach the one, but I think my new approach is making sure I'm having fun while I do it. I have to stop being so serious and melodramatic about the whole dating situation. The race thing I still don't know, but the age thing I think I may just explore.
ReplyDeleteNot too old though, 7 years older, max. lol
I agree with being open to dating outside your race and older men. I personally would go for dating outside my race before someone older though. It was not always the case for me as I was completely against dating outside the race, but have come to realize that I may have to just explore that option lol. But I also think that it would be difficult. I mean, are men of different races really into Black women like that?...lustful fantasies aside, of course.
ReplyDeletewell, from first hand experience I have met men of all races that want me (a black woman) as a "lustful fantasy" and on the other hand I have met men of all races who have wanted a serious relationship with me ... so I think it all depends on the guy.
ReplyDeleteI decided to date outside of black men only. Met a white older man, we dated for several years, to make a long story short, he wasn't willing or able to commit after making it clear that a commitment was his intention. So I think, take your time, make sure whomever it is, wants what your want and there are some good men out there who are willing to take the plunge with you.
ReplyDelete