Frustration

It's a quiet Friday night and I'm sitting in the house polishing my nails. Tonight is definitely a Brown Sugar and Loves Jones type of night.

For some reason while sitting in the hair salon this evening it hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm actually a little frustrated with my current state of singledom. Maybe it has a little to do with the fact that like 90% of my friends outside of NYC are coupled up or maybe the fact that blissful couples are using the beautiful weather as an excuse to flaunt their happiness and share it with the world. If I see one more couple kissing on the street I think I might... well, I don't know but it will probably bring a scowl to my face.

I'm not a "hater" or anything remotely close, but I am a bit sour these days about not being able to experience the same things for myself. I'm not trying to get married nor am I trying to get engaged any time soon. But what I do want is somebody to talk to and share my fears with when I'm up late at night worrying about everything but the price of tea in China. Somebody to joke around with and hold me close. I know that's not too much to ask.

Being single can definitely be fun; nobody to ask me where I'm going, who I'm with, and when I'll be back. Wining and dining and having a good time. However, I just don't like casual dating. Don't get me wrong, I like meeting new men; getting to know them and learning about their lives. I just don't like when things meet a dead end and you have to start all over again with someone new.

I was having a conversation with a good friend not that long ago who once thought I was silly for saying that I didn't like dating this way, but she has since come around to understand my point of view here and even agree with it. It takes a lot of effort/energy to casually date and it gets old quick for me. The Cancer in me, not that I believe in astrology like that or anything, is too emotionally giving to constantly be sharing myself with people only to not have much come of the encounters. It truly seems like being a serial dater just doesn't seem to be in my dna.

Or maybe I'm just overreacting out of emotion because it IS a Brown Sugar and Love Jones type of night, and any woman who is a fan of those movies knows exactly what that means.