What do you get when you cross June Cleaver and bell hooks?
To this day, what do you think most people's impressions of feminists are? That they are all rough around the edges, hairy armpit having, man hating lesbians? That might sound pretty harsh but the truth is that's what many people think of when they think about feminists.
I won't lie, several pieces of that description were my own, once upon a time, feelings about feminists. But as I've grown up over the past couple years, I've realized that much of who I am agrees with feminist ideologies. I'm as pro-woman as can be, but without being anti-man. Is that possible? I think so.
I'm as much about making sure that I have the instincts and skills it takes to raise a family as I am about having the determination and confidence it takes to eventually own my own business. I love to cook and bake and take care of my toddler niece, but should that make me less a feminist? As I stated above, I think feminists are too often looked at as being anti-man. Can't I be for one thing without being against another? Why can't the two coincide? I'm not saying that it's easy, but I do think it is possible.
The struggle between being pro women's achievement & progression, while realizing that men are still going to be men, is part of the issue I believe we're having in trying to foster romantic relationships between one another in modern society. There's no denying that black women are achieving at levels unparallelled by black men. That has made us feel that we have a certain power and control in a relationship where traditionally we had very little. I can now, as a woman, be the breadwinner and financially provide for the family justas/more than a man can. I can "bring home the bacon AND fry it up in the pan". But what happens when that makes men uncomfortable?
While we may be evolving as women, men for the most part are fundamentally staying the same. We may be getting degrees and becoming CEOs, CFOs, and presidents of companies but men don't want us to lose that soft edge that characterizes femininity. Just because I dole out commands at work doesn't mean my man is going to be happy with me trying to tell him what to do all the time. Not being in total control in the home, doesn't make us any less powerful and that's something we need to realize.
Men like to be men and do manly things, that's not going to change. Men like their egos stroked - FACT. And keeping their egos stroked helps keep the balance, the peace. Have you all heard the saying, "the man is the head of the household, while the woman is the neck"? It embodies the idea that women have control, we just don't have to throw it in a man's face. When we do that, that's when we lose balance and men begin to think of women who have achieved as power hungry b*tches who think they have bigger cahunas than the men in their lives. Is it so wrong and anti women's progression to believe that while women are achieving by leaps and bounds, it's still just as important to recognize a man's need to feel like a man?
As a woman who considers herself a feminist, my opinion may not be a popular one. What does a woman who is about female empowerment, look like slapping on an apron and getting down in the kitchen??
This is what she looks like ----->
Behold the apron wearing, heels in the kitchen, aspiring housewife feminist. I may be rare, but damnit I'm a movement.
**Look out for Pt. 2!
Awesome post! I completely agree with your assessment. I, too, am a rare type of feminist.
ReplyDeleteI think feminist femininity (yes I just made up that phrase) is a lost art. Yes, we are powerful and we are doing big things, but that doesn't mean we have to emasculate our men. I think it's important to make a man feel like a man, not because we're weaker in anyway, but because we're aware and empathetic of their (sensitive) ego and their intrinsic need to feel in control.
I will take another step into unpopularity: why do some of us need to be in control ALL the time in a relationship? With my ex, I spent all day at school leading study groups and events in grad school. As a driven, goal-oriented woman, I made big decisions all day long, I would like to go home and rest, mind, body, and soul. There are time when I'd rather come home and things are already decided for me. But instead when I came home, I had to make even more decisions (if, when, and where we were going out). Personally it started to become mentally exhausting.
Thank you for this post. We as women are extremely powerful, but sometimes not in the way men are. The more we realize that, the more we can embrace are femininity and continue our path the world domination. (lol)