Chrihanna Gate 2012

If you haven't heard the Birthday Cake remix by now, you must be living under a rock; hell, even my mom has heard it. It's the lighter fluid that ignited the Chris Brown and Rihanna assault incident all over again. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to write about this topic. But the more I heard people talk about it, the more I began to feel like I needed to state my piece.

My opinion is an unpopular one. One that doesn't automatically vilify Chris Brown nor victimize Rihanna. I'm not going to sit and hash out what I think happened that night before the Grammys 3 years ago. I have no clue how things escalated to the point that Rihanna ended up with a bruised face and busted nose and neither do any of you. But what I do know for sure is that Chris committed a crime and thusly was made to pay for it. Whether or not Chris's punishment was harsh enough or not is also not for me to decide.

But what I did come to pass judgement on is, 1. why any of us felt that Rihanna would have turned out to be a role model in this situation and 2. why is it that we want Chris to pay for the sins of men who physically assault women everywhere? I've read articles such as this one from the Chicago Tribune focusing on the waste of a teachable moment and have been poised to ask another question. Why are we relying on celebrities to teach our children anything?

When the assault on Rihanna occurred, she was 20 and Chris was 19; what I refer to as kids. Both at the height of their young careers, surrounded by yes-men, the world was their oyster. That night changed both of their lives. Instantly the world turned Rihanna into a battered victim, who should use the event as a moment to become a spokeswoman for abused teenage girls everywhere and Chris, well, he became the 21st century Ike Turner. Literally overnight society wanted these two to be bigger than themselves; not just celebrities anymore but poster children for a cause.

My theory is that after people saw the photo of Rihanna's battered face, Chris immediately became the face for every abuser that ever walked the planet. Unlike many male celebrities before him who had been accused of abuse/assault(Brian McKnight, Terrence Howard, BeBe Winans, just to name a few) his victim had a face we recognized and adored. It was also impossible for him to deny that he did it. This wasn't some nameless woman who people generally could care less about, this was Rihanna; "when the sun shines we shine together" Rihanna. That fact alone turned Chris into Ike Turner. We may not have been able to burn Ike at the stakes since Tina did her best to cover up the abuse at the time, but this time "Ike" wouldn't be able to run from his crime. Chris Brown isn't the first man to put his hands on a woman and he won't be the last but how dare he abuse someone we "know"?

And the fact that so many of us feel like he hurt someone we know and identify with, makes it that much harder to forgive him. I would never condone what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. The punching, biting or the choking. I don't condone violence period; whether the aggressor is a man or woman, child, adult or elderly. But with that said, I will also ask at what point are people who inflict physical assault on another human being able to b forgiven for their crimes? After apologizing? After pleading guilty to a felony before the court of law? After the victim has forgiven them? After... never?

I've got a little religion in me these days, and with that said, I've adopted the theory that it isn't my job to forgive. That's between the perpetrator and God. I've also adopted the theory that no sin is greater than another. So if you forgive a liar, cheater or fornicator, so should an abuser who has repented also be forgiven.  For humans when we feel we've been done wrong, an apology is rarely enough. And recognizing that, for many Chris Brown will never be forgiven no matter what he does.

It's an undeniable fact that following the assault, Brown lost endorsements, airtime and respect. Celebs with questionable character(ie. Diddy) seemed to be the only ones who reached out to him for reasons other than wanting to cause him bodily harm.  What needed to happen following that fateful night before the Grammys wasn't a public stoning of Chris, but credible sources needed to reach out to him to help him. At the time he was a teenager, coming from a home where abuse was prevalent and as much as he spoke about not liking what went on in his own home, he no doubt became a product of his environment. What he needed wasn't grown men threatening to beat him up, but instead grown men who know the importance of respect to reach out to him and take him under their wing. I guess it's easier to vilify and turn him into some out of control monster than to be concerned about his rehabilitation.

Fast forward to 2012, Rihanna is as rebellious as ever, Chris is obviously still angry and both of them are attention seeking whores. Why again are we still expecting them to be a teachable moment and role models? I, for one, expected this reunion. I'm just surprised it took this long. Has Rihanna forgiven him? Looks like it. So what exactly do we want to happen now? If we shouldn't forgive Chris and allow him to produce popular music, worthy of awards and sold out concerts, what should happen? Should Rihanna be a spokeswoman for abused women even if she doesn't want to be?

I believe this all says something about society as a whole. It's the 21st century and we're still expecting celebrities to teach our children life lessons. How many cases of abuse, alcoholism, drug abuse, overall misconduct does it take for us to wake up and realize that it isn't a celeb's job to teach our children anything but how to turn a talent into a tool to make money?

As usual, so many questions, so few answers. But I'd love to hear some opinions.