Apparently I missed the memo on joining the epidemic that's ocurring these days. You know the one where everybody and anybody is having a baby. I know there had to have been a flyer, e-mail, fax, PSA, tweet or something about it; because I swear if I hear one more person tells me that they are "having a baby" I may just scream.
Over the past year and a half, I have had more than 10 people that I personally know, make this proclamation. At the age of 24, I'm just not ready for this! I'm sitting here thinking about all the fun and reckless debauchery I plan on getting into this summer and I'm surrounded by people who are busy having babies.
Don't get me wrong, we are all adults, and if you can take care of a child, by all means do what you do. But the numbers are really throwing me for a loop. There's just like a major influx of babymaking going on these days.
What does bother me though about all this is that the number of people I know who have proclaimed "I'm getting married" pales in comparison. So am I to think that it's easier to decide to bring a child into the world than to decide to commit yourself to one person and make it official? Not passing judgement here, but posing a question. I know some of you all are probably saying, it only takes one act to have a baby and "accidents happen"but what I'm really beginning to wonder, is if accidents really do happen?? With the types of odds I've been seeing, it makes me hesistate to partake in any activity(in this case sex), that has those kinds of odds. Think about it, if you had 10 people tell you they got into car accidents in a short span of time, wouldnt you be scared to drive?
In this age of condoms, foams, pills, and patches it bothers me a bit to think that accidents are occuring so often. If your initial mode of protection fails, you've even got a 72 hour window now to actively do something about it. My only thought these days is that women who wind up pregnant, do so because they want to be pregnant. Which isn't always a problem, but when you're a single woman, why would you honestly wanna do that? According to recent statistics, almost 70% of black children are born out of wedlock, compared to 30% of white children and 35% of hispanic children.* And at the same time 85% of Americans feel that the number of children born to single parents in a "serious issue".*
Crazy right? What is it that has us as a community perpetuating this cycle of having babies out of wedlock? For whatever reason, do we just not see it as a big deal that so many of our children end up being reared in single parent(often single mother) households?
Somebody share your thoughts with me please.
*Stats taken from "Father Facts" (2002)
I love the point you make about how it seems that people will bring a child into the world but won't even think about getting married. Having a baby is a serious, life changing event and so is marriage, BUT a lot more is at stake when having a baby than with getting married. Or so it seems to me.
ReplyDeletePeople get to become too comfortable in these "relationships" they are like wellllll we've been together for a year now...sometimes six months... and are like you should be with just me so i am good with u not using protection...ive heard that in numerous occasions while having conversations at work about sex and most of the time from WOMEN with multiple kids...some with different babies fathers... I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND
ReplyDeleteor US not using protection...
ReplyDeleteMy point about deciding to have a baby vs. deciding to get married really is something that baffles me. It's like why can't we be doing both. I'm not trying to say, "we shouldn't have babies", but why are we not getting married and having babies? I would think that the person that I would have a baby with, would be the same person I want to marry.
ReplyDeleteAnd I still don't really understand the whole unprotected sex thing, espeeeecially in a situation where you haven't even been with that person that but for 5 seconds. It's good to feel like you can trust somebody but it's just too much going on out there(babies and disease included) that being reckless like that is just unacceptable.
And all that getting caught up in the moment stuff, you can miss me on that one too. "Getting caught up in the moement" is what can lead you to 18 yrs or a lifetime of turmoil and hell lol.
I believe within the Black community, for some reason, we dont teach "Safe Sex". I'm not too sure why, but we dont. I think that a lot of 'our' culture is centered around the church, and the church obviously doesnt teach safe sex. I think people don't consider it to be "wrong" if theyre not prepared for it. Maybe for some there is less shame in fornication if you dont prepare yourself for it (does that make sense?!)
ReplyDeleteNow also, I dont believe our parents are having conversations with us to educate us on Sex. I know I'm 24...and still waiting to have "the talk" with my mom...and so is my older brother. When I was ten, my mom handed me a book called "Women's Body" and that was my intro to "life" as a woman and sex.
I think also there is a "stigma" for persons who want to purchase contraceptives. When the shame is gone, so will the single parenthood-ness (I know its not a word, but hey!)
Now one more thing! Why are the numbers so high amongst blacks and not whites? I think, its because for some reason, they may 'educate' their children more on the subject. (Not all, I mean, all u have to do is watch 16 & Pregnant on MTV) but, a lot of my white counterparts were on Birthcontrol in HS and college, while majority black friends were just... They would be treated a certain way if theyre mom found birthcontrol or condoms - so they didnt use them.
But also, I believe they (white folks) take advantage of the opportunities we have to not only prevent pregnancy (birth control, condoms, even the morning after pill), but to end one as well. But thats a whole different issue!
I've said too much!
For some reason sex is viewed as private and shameful
I think my comment is turning into the