He's Got Potential

Last Thursday I took the time to watch the Nightline special*, "Why Can't Successful Black Women Find A Man?" I know a lot of women and men were rolling their eyes at the thought of Nightline touching this topic again but I figured it was worth a listen; especially since my man Hill Harper was going to be a part of the panel. The rest of the panel consisted of Sherri Shepherd, Jacque Reid, and Jimi Izreal and was moderated by Steve Harvey and Jinsey Davis.

Even though the special was only 30 minutes, ABC attempted to pack in as much as possible. The panelists covered everything from Jimi Izreal's "Denzel principle"(the thought that Black women are out here looking for the perfect, unattainable man) to female intimidation. One topic or idea they covered that I found particularly interesting is men feeling like women pass over the guy with potential in lieu of the one who has already made it.

I, for one, have never had a problem with trusting in someone's potential. Maybe it's because I'm barely 25, that I don't see an issue with dating a man who hasn't yet made it in his profession and doesn't have his own house and a hot car. One of the last guys I dated, had no job at the time and that never once bothered me. Sure it made me hesitate to ask about going out all the time, but I have no problem staying in for an old fashioned dinner and a movie. But what I do know is that there are plenty of women who may have heard "I'm not currently working" and any warm and fuzzy feelings they were having instantly would have shut down. As women we are drawn to men who we think can provide for us and our potential families, it's honestly our nature to be that way. But what if by concentrating on a man's status and material gains we overlook someone who could potentially bring something positive to our lives?

I've always said my only "success" based criteria was that the man I'm interested in have a college degree or have his own business. I don't think either of those are unreasonable. What I've encountered though is that you men out there have more of an issue with getting involved with a woman when you all haven't "made it". It's somewhat understandable. I get that as men you want to feel like you have something worthwhile to bring to the table before you settle down, but what about being able to build together?

As I've gotten older, I've realized that I have some old school thoughts when it comes to love and relationships. And as a part of this mindset, I think it would be desirable to have someone by your side while you're on the way up. Who wouldnt want somebody to lean on when the times get tough? I also think it helps you to know that the person you're with is really there for you and not just for what you can do for and give them.

Am I wrong here? Am I right? I know you all are out there reading, so tell me something! :o)

*You can watch the Nightline special here: http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/successful-black-woman-find-man/story?id=10355642