Girl, Quit Lyin!

In my previous post, I mentioned the latest stat that stopped me in my tracks. Didn't see it? Here it goes:

45% of black women say getting married is very important

Before I could even finish the rest of the article, my response was, we women have GOT to stop lying to ourselves. I find it hard to believe that only 45% of women find marriage to be very important. As I stated before, I'm not saying that we should all be running around like chickens with our heads cut off obsessing over marriage, but only 45%?? That definitely surprised me. And so did some of the quotes from women who arebsuccessful and single that were interviewed as a part of the article.

"Love, the comedian, who also is single, says there is no point focusing on what she doesn’t have. “A lot of people say you’re going to be lonely. No, you will adjust,” Love says, adding that she enjoys her life, which includes partying and going on cruises, without anyone accompanying her."


"Nika Beamon, a television news producer in New York who turned 40 last year, likes to say, “I didn’t work this hard to get married.” She imagined that she would have a husband and children by now but is satisfied with how things have turned out."


"Smith, the 21-year-old University of Maryland senior, says many of her female friends are reluctant to express the truth about their love lives. “You have these driven black women here,” Smith says, “and sometimes . . . you really don’t want to talk about, ‘Oh, I haven’t had a boyfriend since high school.’ It makes you seem weak.”


I'll admit, I side-eye every woman who utters the phrase, "I'm single and even if I never get married, that's okay because I'm fine being alone. I've got a good job, a house, etc etc etc" or any variation of that phrase. And you know why? You don't mean it!


Some of us have gotten so used to being turned down and turned away by men that we've built up a defense mechanism that automatically regurgitates that line every time someone asks us about being single. And I get it, I get tired of being asked about my singletude as well. But you will never catch me saying I'm okay with the idea of winding up alone, because I'm not. And I won't lie to you nor myself about that. 


How many of us have opinions close to the one shared by the 21 year old college student? That we feel weak or less than because you're unattached? And don't lie because it's okay if you do. But the truth is, just as we have power in our professional lives, we have just as much power in our personal lives. No, you can't make a man fall in love & marry you but you can make yourself emotionally available to men and be for real about what you really want in a relationship. Too often we're forgetting how much power we really do have as women. And because we don't recognize that power we end up cowering in a corner with all of our other successful, single-and-don't-really-wanna be girlfriends pretending not to care.


Long story short, being honest about what your really want out of life is the first step to getting what you really want out of it. Think, there for you will be ladies :0)


And quit lying!