I have 5 tattoos.
For those of you who know me personally, did you know that? Have you ever seen even 3 out of the 5? Trust that I'm going somewhere with this.
Over the weekend I had dinner with a male friend. While conversing we discussed the types of people we could see ourslves being with. By type I'm referring to white collar, blue collar, boughie, "hood", straightlaced, a mix etc etc. During the conversation, my friend alluded to the fact that my appearance, the tattoos and my newly dyed hair, may keep me from being able to attract the white collar, college educated, ambitious type of guy. He falls into that catagory and we've been friend for years, so when he further went on to admit that he would hesistate to take me to a company event, all based on my appearance, I was nothing short of astonished and well, hurt.
The look on my face was one of instant and utter confusion. Yes I have tattoos, only two of which are visible at all times, and all of them are small. My hair is cut Halle Berry short and currently a coppery auburn. I personally never gave either of these two attributes of my appearance much thought at all. That was until a couple weeks ago when one of my co-workers, a black male, said my hair was very "urban". And now that I think about it, I have had guys tell me I needed to pump the breaks on my tattooing. Had I slowly and subconsciously been turning myself into someone I'm not? And was that someone keeping me from finding a guy I felt might be compatible with me?
I'm college educated and gainfully employeed. The fact that men may be judging me strictly based off of my appearance totally throws me for a loop. I can't lie, I think we've all been guilty of judging someone solely based off of what we see; however, I never thought that person being unfairly judged would be me.
This is a tough one. People judge others based on appearances and that's just the way it is. The question is should a person change, or not look the way they want to look, in order to attract a special someone? Heck no! At least not in my opinion because then you are not being true to yourself. The bottom line is that there is someone out there who will appreciate your intelligence and character ALONG WITH the tattoos and hair color. Your friend who said that he wouldn't take you to a company event just isn't a fan of the tattoos and such. That doesn't mean that ALL well educated, ambitious men doesn't like a cute little tattoo :). Again, just do you and there is someone who will appreciate all of you, tattoos and all.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since we've talked, but I couldn't help but comment on this post. I remember, very clearly, the moments in my life when people (mostly guys) have told me that I need to 'slow down,' or 'keep my mouth shut sometimes,' etc... When I first went to college, one of my good guy friends very gently told me that I was 'too loud' and 'too outgoing' for the guys there. He thought he was doing me a favor- letting me know how I could better myself in order to find a nice Southern Gentleman- and maybe your friend was being kind- in his own way. And that was years ago, many hair colors ago, and a couple of small tattoos ago. I've realized over the years that I shouldn't have to deny some part of myself in order to attract a suitable mate. It seems like you get that, but I just wanted to show you some support. Be yourself! You are amazing!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support ladies! It just caught me off guard to think I could be judged just off my appearance and that that could be 'keeping me from finding a man'. And you're right Liz, I shouldn't try to compromise myself and who I am just to get male attention :o)
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