"I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears; but I'm scared of loving you"
"Lions, Tigers, and Bear" - Jazmyn Sullivan
I have a lot of conversations these days with my friends about relationships. Whether we like to admit it or not, I think it's something on a lot of our minds. This whole quarter life thing apparently has us contemplating our relationship statuses and where we go from here. The convos I've been having range from "why does he/she get on my nerves?" and "why won't they commit?", to "I really think I like him/her". But with all the talking that I've been doing I've started to notice a common thread in why many of us are having a hard time committing and being committed to. The reason: fear.
I'm really beginning to feel like many of us, women and especially men are allowing fear of the unknown to get in the way of pursuing relationships. It's natural to fear the unknown because well, we don't know what to expect from it. I mean who's to say that that woman you're interested in won't break your heart once you make it official? But isn't that part of the game? Being willing to take that risk.
Men spend a lot of time lamenting over women who pass judgement on men based on their prior experiences with them, but I think men are guilty of doing the same thing! I can recall a few times where I've heard guys make generalizations about women, ie. "women are crazy/overbearing/ruthless", all purely based on THEIR experience. When you let things like this get in the way of pursuing someone new, you're just as bad as the woman who has labeled all men as "selfish dogs" just because her last boyfriend did her wrong. Believe me, I'm not saying anything is wrong with being afraid, if you will, but I really wish more guys were willing to admit to it and talk about it.
I honestly can't say that I feel like I'm scared, afraid, or have a fear of falling for someone. Maybe my lack of experience in the realm of love makes me naive; like a little kid who doesn't fear because experience has yet to teach them to.
I think that the fear or timid nature to enter love stems from past heartbreak experiences....but before then, most of us definitely go into our first love experiences with our noses wide open (and that might not be such a bad thing!) :)
ReplyDeleteAnd adding to what Leigh Ann said, when most people enter relationships with baggage and insecurities, that adds to the fear of commitment. They punish the new partner for something their old partner did...when they don't come close to it. When someone is willing and strong enough to let those frivolities go, the commitment may come easier.
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