A week ago I was having a conversation with my brother and mother about men, women, and relationships. While discussing a recent situation with one of his female friends who found herself questioning the breakdown of a situation she entered into with a guy she met on a night out, the topic of why women can sometimes take a little longer to let things go came up. My conclusion was the following: we are obsessed with knowing "why".
Why didn't things work out? Why didn't he call me? Why doesn't he want to see me? Why did he cheat on me? Why? Why? Why? Why? We drive ourselves crazy wondering why things didn't go the way we planned them out in our heads. It's often not enough for us to just think, "that's life" and then move on. In my opinion, the thought process men possess is nearly the complete opposite; which is something I noticed while discussing the topic with my brother. He feels like women should just be able to chalk it up to experience and move on. I don't feel like it's ever that easy for most women. I'm not one to hold on to situations or most people for that matter; but I do find that I end up going through this same practice of trying to figure out the "why" when things go south.
The quest for the "why" really shows a breach in communication between men and women. Having to pose the question "why" in the first place signals that there are some unanswered questions in the situation. I'm not saying a guy should have to sit down and write a thesis statement on why he stopped calling you, but if he simply & honestly answered the question maybe it would be easier for the woman to let it go and move on. If you found out that you didn't like me like that, tell me. Did I bore you? Tell me. Do I get on your nerves? You can tell em that too. Don't just leave me hanging out to dry.
Why is the "why" even important? I'm sure that's what some(most) of the guys out there are saying since you all are much simpler beings than we are. Well, getting the answer to the "why" can be the beginning to gaining closure. If the guy states why he didn't return your call, why he cheated, why he didn't feel things would work out, all the guessing would be taken out of whether it was you, him, another woman, another man(it's the 21st century people) or some outside source.
Am I the only woman out there who has noticed that we can get consumed by finding the answer to the "why"?
So much WORD!!! This is me down the the letter. And I really think it's about getting proper closure. Once I have that(and whether it's good, bad, or otherwise) I can move on. But when I'm left hanging with no rhyme or reason, then a million and 1 questions naturally follow.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
You are definitely not alone. Knowing the why would just ease my mind and allow me to close a chapter. Most of the time, I closed the chapter myself, never really finding the answer or finding the answer later. It's funny though looking back on it...sometimes when I got the answer...it came at just the right now. Like when things it, I wasn't ready or prepared to know the answers....Food for thought. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd of course I'm in agreement! I've been trying not to get caught up in the "why", but it is SO hard! Like Kourtney said, it's about closure-even if it's bad, I just want to be able to (properly) put it to bed.
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