The other day one of my co-workers clipped out an article for me, from our morning paper. I really love how helpful people have become now that they know I'm writing on this blog :-). The article was a review of the new advice book "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" by Lori Gottlieb.
Essentially the book recommends that women who are single and looking to be married should go for Mr. 8 rather than Mr. 10. Maybe the good guy doesn't have the perfect face, hair, body or personality but that doesn't mean he can't be the one for you. Gottlieb argues that women are less likely to be happy with the idea of settling for someone who possesses 80% of what they're looking for than men are. Which isn't surprising in the least to me. I've always thought that men are more likely to live in the reality of their optons, while women are caught up in our childhood days of watching Disney movies and thus are looking for our fairytale Prince.
While I agree that looking for Mr. Perfect will more often that not, leave you lonely, I don't think anyone should "settle". Maybe it's my interpretation of the word settle, but I feel like settling = future unhappiness. All I can imagine are the arguments that will end up centering around you letting them know that they were never the one you really wanted to be with in the first place. This is why I think it's much more reasonable to say that we should all be willing to compromise instead.
So maybe the guy you find doesn't make 6 figures, but he has a good job that he enjoys, great benefits, and visions of upward mobility... a compromise but definitely not settling. But ladies, let's not think we're the only ones making a compromise. He honestly wanted to be with Halle Berry or Beyonce but since they're both out of his reach, he compromised and was able to realize that the positives in you outweighted your flaws enough to still be able to make him happy.
But honestly, when you're so insistant on getting married that you're willing to end up with someone you don't really want, aren't you just a little too pressed to get married? Good things come to those who wait. Right?
I don't think settling or "compromising" should have to deal with looks..if you're not attracted to someone, you're not attracted to them, regardless of their qualities, but if you've found someone who isn't your "type", but you click w/them on other levels, looks shouldn't hold you back.
ReplyDeleteMy thing is being "nice", having a good job, etc just doesn't cut it...I don't want to be with someone who looks good on paper, but doesn't make my heart skip...Hell, I'll date someone unemployed w/potential as long as we have a crazy mental connection/chemistry...that is something I don't want to compromise on, b/c you're right, after some time, I'm gonna be giving him the side eye and wondering why the hell I'm with him.